


Love is Strength

by DAgron01



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Madi totally has two moms, Minor Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Romance, TW for suicide and/or brief mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-26 05:25:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14993756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: Octavia Blake knew she was at least a little broken. She didn't plan on Clarke Griffin fixing her so thoroughly.Canon compliant (and spoilers) through "Exit Wounds." Takes place immediately following when Madi officially becomes part of Wonkru.





	Love is Strength

Octavia wasn’t able to sleep. So many thoughts were warring in her mind. She had been watching her brother and Clarke closely since they descended from the ceiling and “saved” her and her people. Although she remained at odds with Bellamy since they’ve been reunited, with him questioning her every decision, Clarke had remained, for the most part, silent. She seemed to no longer have a desire to lead, or maybe she never wanted to. The only time until last night that she had openly spoken out against Octavia, or rather her decisions, was when she had tried to warn her about the dangers that awaited them on the way to the valley. And in all honesty, she should have listened.

Octavia hadn’t been able to take her eyes off of either of them. Having had feared them dead, though she would never allow her mind to admit it or imagine it. She thought she was alone. That they had forgotten about her. She tried her best not to be jealous that they had each other, and she truly was happy that they were alive. That they were all together again. But she wasn’t sure she knew how to be happy anymore. 

She didn’t know when it started, her obsession with Clarke. Sure, she always admired the blonde, even at the times that she didn’t like her very much. It may have taken her six years, but she now thoroughly understood all of the morally questionable things that Clarke had done to keep them all alive...or most of them.  Octavia knew she had changed a lot in those six years and she still was unsure if she liked the person that she had become. And she knew she couldn’t dwell on it, but having Clarke and Bellamy back and questioning her made her question herself and none of them could afford that right now.

They hadn’t talked a lot, because there had been no time. But somewhere along the way she started to piece things together...things that had happened in their time apart. When Monty and the others showed up...when Echo showed up...she finally started to ask around. She learned that Clarke had sacrificed herself so that the others could live. So that Echo could live. When she first saw Echo and Bellamy embrace, she was beyond angry. Jasper didn’t make it but that traitor lived? How was that fair? And her brother knew how much Octavia hated Echo; that she had banished her. And yet, here they were, together. Echo even hugged Clarke like they were best friends. Like she hadn’t taken Clarke’s seat on the rocket. She hugged Clarke and Octavia realized belatedly that she hadn’t. Why hadn’t she?

That wasn’t even the most confusing revelation for Octavia lately. Clarke seemed to be completely unconcerned with Bellamy’s relationship with Echo. She hadn’t even reacted because she had been too busy with a child. A  _ child!  _ One that nobody seemed to know where she came from. Octavia knew she could have asked Clarke before this morning. They should have talked a lot before this morning. But when she finally did talk to Clarke, she couldn’t deny how content she seemed. How happy she was to have been reunited with the child, Madi. And she had been flattered, and embarrassed, to learn that Clarke had told Madi about her. She shouldn’t have been surprised, since Clarke likely talked about all of them. But the fact that Clarke seemed to admire her and still cared about her even after the way they left things between them six years ago was a nice surprise.

If Clarke admired her enough to tell stories in which Madi saw her a hero, Octavia wondered if it was too late to still be that person. The one Clarke seemed to see. She wondered if that girl was still in her somewhere or if it was too late to save her, to find her again. Somehow, she left Clarke this morning wanting to be that girl again. The one worthy of the stories that were told about her. The one worthy of being Madi’s hero. But before she had time to figure out what that all meant and why it was so important to her, life happened again. And it became all about surviving. Whatever that meant anymore.

She was asked to trust Echo, of all people. And even if she did turn out not to be a murderous traitor this time, they still didn’t have the best chance to take Diyoza down. Sure, with Echo’s help Monty could shutdown the Eye in the Sky, but she still had to find a way to lead Wonkru to the valley and overtake over a hundred armed criminals. Not that she didn’t believe that her people could do it or that they deserved to have the valley, but Clarke and her brother had been right. At what cost?

They could end up destroying half the valley that they so desperately needed as well as lose so many more innocent lives. When would it all end? And if it did, what then? She thought of Clarke and Madi and how happy they must have been in the valley with no one hunting them. Hours ago, Madi told her all about Clarke’s many drawings and her colorful stories of her previous adventures. She told her how they fished and grew fruit and vegetables. They played games and laughed and they were a family. They had each other. They were happy.

Octavia hadn’t been lying when she said that she understood Clarke’s decision to lie to her about Madi being a nightblood. She did understand. She even understood why Clarke would believe that both Madi and Octavia would be in danger if the truth were to be exposed. What she didn’t understand, was that once again Clarke had been willing to risk her life to keep Madi safe rather than trust Octavia. Okay, maybe she understood that decision too. Octavia knew that she had changed, and not for the best. And she saw the way Clarke and her brother had started to look at her. She hated it. And as much as she understood and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, the thought that Clarke had been willing to die rather than trust Octavia hurt like hell.

Ever since Bellamy and Clarke descended from the sky into the rubble that was her home for the past six years, Octavia had been off-balance. She had fully embraced her role as Bloodreina, but now, for the first time in years, she started to question herself. And she hated that most of all. And she knew that if she was ever going to be okay again, she needed Clarke to understand. She needed Clarke to not give up on her. Because keeping everyone alive  _ and  _ maintaining her humanity had been a hard line to walk, and if anyone could understand that. It was Clarke. 

Octavia found herself outside Clarke’s tent. Maybe it was middle of the night or just before dawn, time didn’t seem to mean much anymore even after she was pulled from the rubble. She took a deep breath and slowly unzipped the tent as she exhaled as steadily as possible. She hoped that she didn’t wake Clarke, but she realized that it would have been selfish to hope that the blonde had trouble sleeping as well.

“Did you come in here to kill me in my sleep.” Clarke whispered from somewhere in the corner of the tent.

Octavia shook her head, then realized that Clarke probably wouldn’t have seen the action in the dark. She climbed the rest of the way inside the tent and zipped it closed behind her. She sat in silence for a moment, because she didn’t know what to say. And she really didn’t know why she had come at all. Except that it was Clarke and she was tired of staying away from her.

“I know you probably hate me.” Clarke spoke quietly into the silence.

Octavia sighed. “I don’t.”

“I get it, Octavia. I do. I just...you know I planned on leaving and I will...so long as you spare Madi’s life.”

Octavia rolled her eyes even though Clarke couldn’t see her. “I told you she’s under my protection now. I meant it. And I don’t want you to leave.”

“I just…” Clarke sighed. “I hope we can move past everything and that you can learn to trust me again.”

“I trust you. You save us all….again. You sacrificed yourself for my brother, which since we are being honest with each other...I am upset about.”

It sounded as if Clarke had adjusted herself, or her sleeping bag, as she spoke. “You’re upset...that I saved Bellamy?”

“Upset that you sacrificed yourself at all, as if your life matters less than anyone else's.”

“But if I hadn’t, they all would have died.”

“I know. And I am grateful that they didn’t. That  _ you  _ didn’t. But why do you always seem to think that dying is the only choice? One of these days, your luck is going to run out and you won’t make it. And there are people who will miss you. I will miss you, Clarke.”

As soon as she said the words, she wanted to regret it. She wanted to believe that she wished she could take them back. She hated that she allowed that moment of vulnerability because she realized that she didn’t regret it. And worst of all, it was the absolute truth. She realized that what had bothered her most about Clarke’s sacrifice was that she could have died and Octavia wouldn’t have known until now and she would not have had a chance to say goodbye. In that moment of what should have been considered weakness, she felt strong. And she wanted to feel that way always. 

Octavia hadn’t heard Clarke get closer, so she jumped when she felt Clarke’s hand rest on her own.

“Be careful, Octavia. It’s starting to sound like we might almost be friends again.”

Octavia smiled ruefully. “Almost.”

Clarke awkwardly removed her hand from atop of Octavia’s and looked like she was ready to move away from her again. As if she remembered all that occurred between them today.

Octavia sighed. “You don’t have to be scared of me, Clarke. I meant what I said when I told you that I understood why you lied to me.” 

Clarke remained silent and an awkward tension overtook them. When they were this close together, Octavia could see Clarke well. She watched her as she reached down and ran her fingers through a sleeping Madi’s brown locks. Octavia regarded the blonde closely and noticed a soft smile rooted in Clarke’s face. “You seem different with her...happy.”

Clarke smiled more deeply. “I am happy.”

Octavia considered the statement. 

“It suits you.” She rolled her eyes at herself for how awkward she was acting in regards to Clarke. “You know what pisses me off?”

Clarke smirked. “I’d be easier to name the things that don’t piss you off at the moment.”

Octavia laughed humorlessly. “Perhaps.”

They were both silent for a moment.

“Tell me Clarke, why  _ are _ you always so willing to sacrifice yourself for everyone else?”

Clarke frowned. “Not everyone....Madi...you don’t understand what she means to me.”

“I do.” Octavia insisted. She could see it. Anyone could.

“You don’t.”

“Then explain it to me.”

Clarke closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened her eyes, she had a haunted look on her face. Like she was seeing whatever it was she was about to tell Octavia.

“I wasn’t supposed to live, but I did. I was so lonely for so long. I tried radio-ing the others every single day. I tried digging you and my mom out, but there was so much rubble. I had lost so much and eventually I also lost hope. And that was all I had left. So, I knelt in the desert wasteland, put my gun to the head, turned off the safety and cocked it.”

Octavia swallowed thickly at the visual.

“Just as I was about to pull that trigger, I saw some crows fly overhead. The first living things in over five fucking years.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. She didn’t realize that Clarke was completely alone for the first five years. And here she thought her life had been hell.

“So I put the gun away, stood up and followed the birds. That’s when I found the valley...and Madi.”

Clarke was crying now as Octavia stared at her. The brunette had no clue what to do.

“She saved my life. She’s my family, Octavia. Even more than mom, or you or Bellamy. She’s everything to me.”

Octavia took a slow, deep breath and then she exhaled slowly. Evenly.

“Don’t you think you mean the same to her? Don’t you see why she would in turn risk her life for yours? Diyoza would have had you killed on sight, Clarke. And what do you think some of those criminals would do to Madi? A child. A young, pretty girl?”

Clarke winced.

“You have my word. Both of you will be under my protection.”

“But for how long, Octavia? You’re leading us headlong into a war.”

Octavia stiffened. Clarke seemed to notice and her entire expression softened.

“Why now?” Clarke asked.

Octavia frowned in confusion.

“Why do you care now? I know, there were a lot of times...especially, toward the end, where you hated me Octavia. I guess, I assumed you still did.”

“I…” She shook her head. “I thought I did. I wanted to. I was angry for sure. And hurt.”

“Before you bring up TonDC again, I want to say that I am sorry. And I can assure you that I hate myself for that far more than you ever could.”

Octavia studied Clarke carefully. “Six years is a long time. I spent sixteen years as the girl under the floor and then I spent another six years under the ground. It was almost easier the first time. Because, I didn’t know better. I had my mom, and Bellamy. This time, it was horrible Clarke. And I didn’t have anyone. Not Bellamy or you or Raven or Monty or Jasper. I was alone with people: most of whom I barely knew and many of whom couldn’t stand me or barely trusted me. But they all needed me. The things that I’ve had to do to keep the peace. To keep us alive. To ensure that most of us would survive...I finally understand your choices, Clarke. I get it. I respect you for it. And don’t let this go to your head, but I admire you. And I’m sorry I was such a pain in the ass to you so many times.”

Clarke stared at her trying to gauge her sincerity or maybe searching for the words to say.

“I needed to say it now...especially after learning what you’d been through as well. If you would have died…”

“I didn’t.” Clarke was quick to respond. “Clean slate?”

The blonde rested her hand on Octavia’s arm and the brunette stiffened even as she nodded in agreement. Clarke studied her. She slowly removed her hand from Octavia’s arm.

“When was the last time you had normal human touch? A simple hug. Not as a greeting or a goodbye. Not out of grief or relief. Not as a prelude to anything else, just a hug. Because of the joy of being in someone else’s company.”

Octavia forced a smile. “Not quite a hug. But does sex count?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “No, and neither does being patched up by a doctor.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “How about if it was a hot blonde pseudo doctor.”

“I guess more things changed than I thought.” Clarke raised an eyebrow to match the brunette’s. “You like women now. Don’t try to deny it, I’ve seen the way you are with Cooper.”

Octavia huffed. “I ensured her loyalty  _ and  _ I was able to get out some frustration. Don’t judge me, Clarke.”

Clarke raised her hands in defeat. “No judgement. I can assure you I got pretty good at getting out some of my own frustration in my five years alone...and in the last year, I got really good at being quiet.”

Octavia bit her lip and shook her head. “I’m guessing, that having a sex talk with me was not what you were getting at with your question, Clarke.”

“Yeah, well, are you ever going to answer that question?”

When had she allowed herself the simplicity of human contact? She used sex as a form of connection to someone else, but it never felt the way it should have. The sex was good. The feeling of loneliness that took place after always made things worse. She hadn’t felt connected to anyone since Lincoln. Was that really the last time she enjoyed anyone or anything? She glanced at the blonde. No, she enjoyed things still. 

Clarke moved toward her slowly. “May I?”

She reached out exaggeratingly. Octavia nodded her head in a barely noticeable movement and she inhaled Clarke’s scent as she was embraced by her. After a moment, she wrapped her arms around the blonde and held her tightly. She felt Clarke’s lips form a smile as they grazed her neck and she shivered at the contact. But she didn’t move away.

“I’m glad you’re happy. I’m not even sure I know what that means anymore.” Octavia told Clarke when she eventually pulled out of the embrace.

“I’m here if you ever want to talk...about anything. And I hope you find happiness, too, Octavia.”

She doubted it. Not the sincerity of Clarke’s words, but the fact that she could be happy again.

Octavia shook her thoughts from her mind. She had been replaying her conversation with Clarke all morning. Madi had adjusted well to meeting the other kids and Gaia, and seemed to have a knack for some of the training. Octavia made it a point to remember to ask Clarke what she already taught the girl, because they had a full year together to entertain each other so Clarke was likely able to have taught her a thing or two about a lot of things. She already spoke Trigedasleng fluently, which was impressive. 

Octavia hadn’t avoided Clarke, per se, for the entirety of the day but she hadn’t talked to her one on one since last night. And although Clarke seemed intent on following her lead in regards to the friendship they had to rebuild or rekindle or whatever, she didn’t want Clarke to think that she wasn’t all in. Because she was.

And that is why she went back to Clarke’s tent that night. Once again, Clarke was awake when she arrived and Madi was sound asleep.

“Your child won’t stop following me around and asking a gazillion questions. I had to remind her that she had training to do. It’s rather annoying.” Octavia said by way of greeting and the tone of her voice made it clear that she was not at all annoyed.

“Yeah...it is sort of...completely my fault.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow. They sat close enough together that she had no doubt that Clarke could see it. 

Clarke shrugged. “I told her stories about all of us...about what happened before, as you know. And as you are well aware...you’re her favorite.”

“Naturally.” Octavia teased smugly.

This time Clarke rolled her eyes as she smiled. “It was annoying actually. She wouldn’t shut up about you...which meant that I  _ couldn’t  _ shut up about you.”

The smug smile on Octavia’s face turned almost genuine. “Sorry for your hardship.”

Clarke playfully leaned into her and bumped her shoulder. “After a while, I started making up different stories about us. There was one where you were a demon hunter and I was your adorably intelligent sister who fell in love with the hot local cop.”

“Let me guess, my brother?”

Clarke shook her head. “Lexa.”

“Of course. Did you end up with her in every story?”

“Madi’s not her biggest fan. So instead, I ended up hooking up with pretty much everyone at least once.”

Octavia choked back a genuine laugh. “Art imitating life?”

“Shut up.”

Octavia bit her lip. “So...what was  _ our  _ story?”

“You were a pirate and I ran a brothel house.”

“Clarke!” Octavia winced and checked to make sure she hadn’t woken Madi up by yelling. When the young girl didn’t move, she continued. “You told a kid a story about you being an actual whore?”

Clarke shrugged. “Turns out the one thing I might be better at than mass murder is sex.”

Octavia hated that Clarke was so self-deprecating. But if she was able to joke about such things, then why couldn’t she? Besides, the idea of Clarke having lots of sex was something that made Octavia blush. She eyed the other girl appreciatively.

“I don’t doubt it.”

Clarke shoved at her playfully. “It’s not like I went into a lot of detail, and I know my stories were likely inappropriate for a child...but I was lonely. And apparently quite horny...now that I think about it.”

Octavia actually laughed genuinely at that. “You think?!”

Clarke huffed and shifted away from Octavia slightly. “Anyway, after that story, she made me tell her more featuring the two of us. Every scenario I could think of. Mortal enemies. Best friends. Sisters. Lovers. You name it. One time we were normal teenagers going to a normal high school. In that one, we were enemies who fought over Murphy.”

“Gross.”

Clarke smirked. “That’s what I thought, so instead of either of us ending up with him...we decided to be friends with benefits.”

“Was that one of your horny days?”

“Just wishing thinking.” Clarke’s eyes widened. “Not like that! Just...that we were actually friends again.”

“Clarke…”

Clarke ignored her and continued talking. “My favorite story was one in which I was an alien superhero and protector of Earth.”

“Not entirely inaccurate.”

“And you were the big hearted millionaire who tried to save the world after your psycho brother destroyed it.”

“That one does sound interesting. Let me guess, we hooked up?”

“Nope.”

“Well, that’s stupid.”

Clarke chuckled. “Raven played my adoptive sister. She’s the one who hooked up with everyone in that story.”

“Why was that one your favorite?”

“Because I was only a superhero part of the time. But the rest of the time, I had a secret identity and a normal life. I just got to be me.”

“That sounds wonderful actually.” Octavia agreed sadly.

“And your character despised the hero version of me, but the normal version was your best friend.  We understood each other in ways that no one else ever could. We hated the expectations people put on us. But when we were together...it was just us. And I just really liked imagining both of us that happy and free.”

Octavia’s breath hitched at the admission. “That sounds really nice. Maybe someday.”

Clarke nodded. “Maybe.”

Silence ensued, but it was not awkward.

“For what it’s worth. I think that you are a really great leader, Octavia. The fact that Wunkru is so close and so strong says a lot about you as a leader. But don’t forget that you don’t have to be Commander or Bloodreina all the time....at least not with me.”

“Thanks, Clarke. I appreciate that.”

They spent a few more nights just talking about anything and everything. Sometimes, Octavia found herself content just being around the girl even if they ran out of things to talk about. She liked who she was when she was with Clarke. Octavia felt more like her old self again. Like the girl who first stepped off the Arc and had her first taste of freedom. The girl who believed in endless possibilities. 

This morning, when Clarke dropped Madi off for training, Octavia told her that she was free to use the tower as she wished. That she should in the very least, use the bathroom and clean up if she so desired. Clarke had happily taken the offer. After watching the kids train for a while longer, Octavia went back to the tower in search of the blonde. Clarke should have been done with her bath by now.

When she approached the bathroom, she knocked on the door. Clarke didn’t respond so she knocked again before she decided to let herself in.

Clarke was out of the water. It looked like she had just dried herself off and stood in front of the mirror with her back facing Octavia.

“Woah, what happened to your back?” 

Clarke glanced at her and shrugged as she bent down to pick up the towel to cover herself. “Mountain Lion.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. “They survived praimfaya, too?”

Clarke shook her head, adjusted the towel securely around herself and walked toward Octavia. “No, it was before. When I left...after Mount Weather.”

Octavia nodded and assumed that the conversation was over. But Clarke sat down on the side of the bathtub and motioned for Octavia to join her.

“I know you think I have a death wish. But after everything that happened, I didn’t like who I had become and I couldn’t face the people whose lives I saved because of what I did.”

Clarke’s finger danced across her bare thigh and Octavia watched it, riveted.

“That’s when I met Niylah.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. “You and Niylah? I didn’t see that coming.”

“She’s beautiful. And she was kind to me. She didn’t know me at all or what I’d done or who I’d become.” Clarke sighed sadly. “I used her. And her family died because of me. Because she helped me.”

“Clarke....”

“And then Lexa died because of me…”

Her eyes became haunted again and Octavia hated to see it.

“Oh...hey…” She reached toward her but thought better of it and awkwardly rested her hands on her own lap.

“You know that day you came to me...when you told me to come with you because our people needed us?”

Octavia nodded.

“I told her I was leaving...we slept together as a way of saying goodbye. It was the single best moment of my life...the sex not the leaving her...because I loved her. Totally and completely. Then as I was getting ready to pack so I could meet up with you, Titus came in the room intent on killing me. He shot at me but I hid. Lexa came to check on me because she heard the gunshots and she was shot in the process. I did what I could to save her, but she died in my arms. That’s why I didn’t meet up with you.”

She fumbled with the hem of the towel and glanced at Octavia. Then she straightened her posture and bore into Octavia’s eyes with her own.

“I never got to explain that to you. Maybe it doesn’t change things. I just wanted you to know that I had chosen our people though. And I still couldn’t save them.”

This time, Octavia reached out and held Clarke’s hand in her own. 

“When you won the conclave, Octavia, and said that every clan would get to live...I understood the decision. I might have even done the same thing before….but at the time, I had given so much. Lost so much for our people and you just let them die anyway.”

Octavia felt sick to her stomach at the reality of Clarke’s words. Of how it must have felt for the blonde. She tried to release her hands, but Clarke held onto her tightly.

“I hated you for it. But mostly, I realized, I hated myself. I needed to forgive us both. That’s the real reason I started telling Madi stories. I wanted to remind myself of who we all used to be. And she loved the stories. And she loved all of us. And in a way...that was the absolution I needed.” Clarke smiled sadly. “She knows everything...the good and the bad, and she loves me anyway.”

Octavia frowned as she tried to understand that concept.

“Lexa thought, or was told, that love was weakness, too. But she was wrong.” Clarke took Octavia’s hand and led it under the towel.

Octavia’s breath hitched as her eyes snapped to Clarke’s.

“Human connection is important, Octavia. And we all need it.”

Clarke released her hold on Octavia’s hand, but maintained eye contact with her. The brunette swallowed thickly. She couldn’t deny she was attracted to the other girl. It took her six years away from all of her friends and family to piece together what each of them meant to her. She screwed Cooper’s brains out when she was frustrated, or angry or lonely. But after she had her way with the girl, she sent her away and took care of herself. At first, she tried to envision Cooper when she used to touch herself, but that hadn’t been successful. She tried to imagine some of the guys who she found good looking. Oftentimes, her mind would wander to thinking about her friends up in the sky. When she wasn’t busy imagining Clarke and Bellamy getting a happily ever after, she fantasized about Clarke and Raven having sex. And she found out that it worked in turning her on and getting her off. 

Eventually, her fantasies always shifted from Clarke and Raven to her and Clarke and she wanted to stop those right away, but the orgasms she received from those fantasies were always the best. Soon, she didn’t even start with Clarke and Raven, she just began to imagine what she’d like to do to Clarke….or if she was feeling brave, what she’d hope Clarke would do to her.

Without thinking more about it, she slid her hand up Clarke’s thigh as she kept an eye on the girl’s reaction. Her fingers felt the silky wetness and the damp hair that covered Clarke’s core. She swallowed her lust, eyes closing at the strength of her own desire. Octavia opened her eyes as she slid closer toward Clarke and watched as the blonde unfastened the towel. Her eyes didn’t follow the fabric as it fell around Clarke, but rather stayed planted on the supple breasts that gave way to quickly hardened nipples. Octavia’s eyes widened at the realization of what was about to happen. This scenario had never been featured in her fantasies, but it sure as hell would be from now on.

After they finished, they lay beside each other in silence as they tried to catch their breaths. Clarke licked her lips and Octavia forced herself to look away.

“Well, then. This has been fun.” Clarke stretched and stood up.

Octavia looked at her naked form unabashedly. Then she noticed a large scar on one of Clarke’s legs. “Please don’t tell me that was another mountain lion?”

Clarke blushed and shook her head. “Nope. This was a bear trap.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. 

“There are so many things I don’t know about you anymore. But I want to.” She admitted.

Clarke’s blush deepened. “I already told you all the good stuff. Everything else is boring.”

Octavia shrugged. “So, we’ve got time. Not right now, but you know...”

The blonde nodded. “I know.”

“I think I might be able to sneak out again tonight...if I show up in your tent…” Octavia spoke as she stood up and faced away from the other woman to allow her to dress in private.

“I’ll be there.” There was a teasing tone in Clarke’s words.

“I’ll see you tonight...if not before.” She told her before she marched out of the room awkwardly.

Octavia kept herself busy the rest of the day. She checked on Indra and was pleased to hear that she had made a full recovery. She even made her way back to Gaia and assisted in the training. They were sword fighting and Octavia was proud, yet unsurprised, of how well Madi was doing. She sparred with each of the kids. Then dismissed them for the rest of the day. But Madi stayed around after everyone else had left.

“Are things really okay between you and Clarke? Because I don’t want her mad at me, or you.”

Octavia prayed she didn’t blush as images of just how okay they were flashed in her mind.

“Yeah, we’re good. We talked through a few things and understand where each other is coming from. You don’t have anything to worry about, Madi. I promise.”

The young girl smiled. “I always knew you were my favorite.”

She hugged her and rushed away without a word right after. Octavia couldn’t help thinking about her earlier conversation with Clarke about human connection. Just today, she had been hugged by Madi, and had sex that didn’t feel like work or like a distraction. She actually looked forward to something for the first time in a long time. The thought terrified her as much as it buoyed her mood. As long as she didn’t talk about it, she didn’t have to really think about why thoughts of happiness and Clarke scared her.

Monty hadn’t made a lot of leadway yet, and Bellamy was being as obnoxious as she always remembered. The three of them were talking through contingency plans even though she could tell that Bellamy remained wary of her or her motives. It wasn’t like she completely trusted him either. She still wanted to know how he ended up with Echo of all people, but she didn’t care quite enough to ask yet.

Dinner was uninteresting, unless she counted the part where it was obvious that Clarke and Niylah were avoiding each other. Now that she knew about their past, she couldn’t help watching them interact...or go out of their way not to interact with each other at all. 

She finally found time in the darkness of night to sneak over to Clarke’s tent. She couldn’t help thinking how much easier it would all be if Clarke and Madi just stayed in the tower.

“Clarke?” She whispered when she unzipped the door of the tent.

“Right here.” Clarke’s voice was very close to her.  “Madi’s already sleeping.”

Octavia came inside wordlessly and zipped the door back up. Then she crawled the rest of the way to Clarke. She could barely see her in the dark. When she settled close to her, she raised her hand up to trace the features on Clarke’s face. She wanted to make sure there was no regret there or indication that there was hesitation now. Her face was smooth, no worry lines, no furrowed brows, no indication that Clarke was or had been in distress. 

When her thumb landed on Clarke’s lip, the blonde kissed it gently. Then slightly bit it with her teeth causing Octavia to smirk and get right to work. Without wasting any more time, Octavia trailed her hand down Clarke’s body, briefly squeezing each of her breasts, then further down until she got to the waistband of Clarke’s pants. Clarke quickly unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans and slid them deftly off her legs and tossed them to the side. Octavia licked her lips in anticipation, then she let her fingers dip beneath Clarke’s panties and weaved them through her soft curls. 

When she had sex with Cooper, it had been a distraction from everyday life. Of trying to survive. Of wondering if her brother was ever coming back for her. But when she had sex with Clarke...it seemed as if the rest of the day was the distraction. Something she had to get through in order to be with Clarke. Over the next few days, they spent a lot of time together. Re-establishing a friendship and exploring each other’s bodies. Although, they didn’t always get alone time and Octavia grew impatient for Clarke’s touch. But sometimes, she found that beyond just having sex with Clarke and being around her, she actually became curious to learn everything she could about her. She found herself just wanting to know Clarke. And it should have terrified her or been cause for concern, but she realized with fascination that it hadn’t.

Clarke, Monty, Bellamy, Harper and Octavia had just finished their secret planning and Monty admitted that he was finally into the system. But he said that it would take a while before he was able to hack his way into controlling the Eye. Echo had found a way to radio them that morning and let them know that there seemed to be something developing, some unrest amongst the people. The  _ criminals, _ Octavia reminded herself. Abby had told them that Kane mentioned a guy named Graveyard had been taken hostage by Murphy and Emori. That they wanted to negotiate a truce. It hadn’t worked yet, but Diyoza was getting frustrated.

Overall, it was good news for them. Clarke and Bellamy explained that Graveyard was the Second in Command and that Diyoza would be at a disadvantage if he was out of the picture. Octavia told Harper and Bellamy to try to contact Murphy so they could get more information, but as of now, it was all just another waiting game.

Clarke followed Octavia into her aptly dubbed “war room.” Octavia had an hour to kill before she planned to check on the trainees for the day. 

“When did you first realize that you liked girls?” Octavia asked as she took a seat at the table.

Clarke blushed as she began to play with her hands distractingly. “You remember when we first landed here...on Earth?”

Octavia nodded, because  _ duh. _

“When you were adamant about going swimming and having fun…”

Octavia rolled her eyes and chuckled mirthfully. “Don’t remind me.”

Clarke grinned. “Anyway, you stripped off your clothes and…”

Octavia smirked and raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“And I may have been just as turned on as the boys were.”

“May have been?” Octavia teased even though her entire body felt hot at Clarke’s confession.

“Come on, you have to know how beautiful you are.” Clarke studied her carefully. “Or maybe you don’t.”

She shuffled closer to her, and leaned into her to better face her.

“You were the prettiest girl I had ever seen.”

Octavia shook her head sadly. “Was.”

Clarke shoved at her playfully. “Let me finish.”

Octavia motioned for her to continue.

“Back then, before I knew you...I simply thought you were pretty. Really pretty. But now…” She reached over and grabbed the brunette’s hand and held it tightly in her own. “You are so intelligent, and loyal, and strong. You’re a fierce warrior, and a just leader. You’re a good friend. You are kind, compassionate and even though you have scars...deep pain that I can’t begin to imagine, you are still a good person, Octavia. And so very beautiful.”

Octavia tried her best not to cry at Clarke’s words. If love was weakness, what were tears? 

She jumped at bit when she felt Clarke’s thumb brush across her cheek. Embarrassment swept throughout her body when she realized that Clarke was wiping away her tears. She hated being seen as vulnerable, but somehow, with Clarke...it didn’t feel like a weakness. Not this time.

“I’m sorry.” She didn’t know what for, or why she was saying it now. But it felt right. 

“Hey…” Clarke shook her head. “Don’t apologize for crying. Or for feeling or for anything. You don’t owe me anything.”

They were silent for a long moment.

“I told Lexa once that life had to be about more than just surviving. And I have finally gotten to experience that. I think it’s time you let yourself do it to.” Clarke cupped Octavia’s cheek with her hand and she leaned into the touch. “Let yourself learn to be happy, or at least forgive yourself for whatever you think you did to keep you from deserving happiness.”

Octavia closed her eyes and just let herself feel Clarke. The blonde had been right before about the importance of human touch. But this felt more intimate than the sex they’ve had. This felt more pure.

“I don’t know how to do that, Clarke.” She admitted when she opened her eyes and found Clarke staring at her with adoration shaping her features.

“Then let me teach you.”

Silence ensued once more. Clarke’s hand dropped from Octavia’s face and instantly the brunette missed the contact.

“And just so you know, I know that you believe love is weakness and all of that. But just because you stopped caring about everyone else. It doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you.”

Octavia’s breath hitched at the admission and a warmth spread throughout her body; almost like affection.

“You have more people on your side than you know.” Clarke smiled, then she walked away wordlessly and left Octavia to dwell on her parting words.

Octavia didn’t go to Clarke that night. Or the night after.

The following afternoon, Octavia didn’t plan to avoid Clarke again, but it seemed the blonde had her own agenda. She had kept Madi away from training, citing that she just wanted to spend some time with the girl. Octavia watched them from afar. They talked adamantly while they walked throughout Polis. Bellamy joined them after awhile and the three of them laughed and chatted while they ate. Bellamy suddenly left shortly after Harper had joined them. Soon Niylah was welcomed into the group and Octavia frowned. When had those two stopped avoiding each other? She decided to walk over and see what was going on.

“Octavia!” Madi shouted when the brunette approached them. “Join us.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.” She looked pointedly at Clarke, then at Niylah.

“Niylah was just telling us that she heard some of Wonkru are becoming restless again. They want to know why we haven’t seized the valley yet.” Clarke explained.

“We aren’t ready yet. Monty should be soon, but not yet.” She looked at Niylah. “How many are we talking about? Do I have to worry?”

Niylah shook her head. “They remain loyal. They just want answers.”

Octavia nodded. That was understandable. But she couldn’t give everyone all the information she had because she risked having traitors amongst them.

“Bellamy went to talk on the radio in private...Murphy finally reached out to us.” Harper explained. “I was talking to him for awhile...they killed that guy. The hostage. Bellamy’s trying to contact Echo to see if they’re going to seek retribution and we we’re just filling Clarke in so we could all find you.” 

Octavia was more than a little irritated. She was glad that something had finally happened, but she was upset because they didn’t try to find her immediately.

“You do realize that _ I _ am Commander, right? Not my brother, not Clarke.” Octavia spit out with spite.

Harper glanced at Clarke awkwardly. Octavia rolled her eyes.

“Well, what is it?”

Niylah cleared her throat loudly. “I’m going to go. I’ll keep my ears open, and come directly to you Bloodreina, if I hear anything new.”

She quickly dismissed herself.

“Some people…” Clarke started.

“My brother and his  _ friends _ .” Octavia emphasized the last word as she glared at Harper.

“Don’t trust Cooper. And since she’s always around you, they didn’t want to risk telling you anything that she might overhear and use later...until we figured out exactly what was going on.” Clarke continued.

“Cooper’s loyal. And I haven’t been glued to her side, as you say, in days.” Octavia glanced at Clarke.

She knew exactly when she started to phase Cooper out. And Clarke likely knew as well. Octavia wasn’t as ashamed of it as she maybe should have been.

“Regardless, they meant no disrespect. And we are all still on the same side.” Clarke stated.

Harper nodded. She smiled and patted Clarke’s shoulder. “And I know you’re in command of Wonkru...it’s just, I...old habits die hard and I owe Clarke my life. She has my trust more than you do right now, in all honesty.”

“And Niylah's too it seems.” Octavia spat out, her eyes were trained on Harper’s hand still on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke shook her head. “No, Niylah was on her way to find you when she saw us here. She figured telling me would be the fastest way to get the news to you.” Clarke’s eyes bore into Octavia’s. “She didn’t know you’ve been avoiding me.”

Octavia looked away and swallowed harshly. “Have not. I’ve just been extra busy. Commanding the last remaining people of civilization and all.”

They were interrupted by a commotion in the distance and looked to see Miller rushing toward them.  When he reached them, he knelt in front of Octavia.

“You’re not going to believe this. Raven is outside the gate. She’s alone and asked to speak privately with you and Clarke.”

Octavia looked at Clarke then Harper. “Well, why haven’t you let her in?”

“I wanted to be sure you would allow it.”

“Yes, of course. It’s Raven.”

He nodded before he ran off. Octavia stood up. Clarke was soon to follow. 

“I’m going to go get Bellamy and Monty, in the very least, they’ll want the chance to see her.” Harper told them as she walked away.

Five minutes later, Miller and Raven walked toward them. No one else in the area seemed to notice a thing out of place. Raven wore an easy smile as she rushed as fast as her legs could carry her to her friends. She hugged Clarke first.

“Thanks for always saving our asses.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to keep thanking me, Raven. I’d do it all over again.”

Octavia saw Raven stiffen at the words and realized that she had been upset by the proclamation as well. Octavia had no doubt about the validity of Clarke’s comment, but knowing how hard the time alone had been on Clarke made her feel anger not admiration in that moment.

Raven released her hold on Clarke and wrapped Octavia in a tight hug. “I missed you, too. My badass Commander.”

Octavia smiled at the snide remark. “You too, Raven.”

Raven pulled away and glanced at Madi. “And you...I’ve already heard so much about you. Thanks for keeping our little Princess company while we were away.”

Madi stared at Raven in awe. Octavia was a bit jealous because she was supposed to be Madi’s favorite, but it appeared that she was also a big fan of Raven.

“I have so many questions for you. First...tell me about space walking.” Madi spoke with excitement and her words made Raven’s entire face light up.

“We’ll have time for that later, I promise.” Clarke told Madi as she rested her arm around the smaller girl’s shoulders and tugged her closer into her.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what  _ are  _ you doing here, Raven?” Octavia asked.

Raven exhaled loudly, anxiously. “We’ll get to that. I just want to catch up. Clarke has a  _ daughter _ …” She gave the blonde her trademark smirk. “And I heard you told stories about all of us, after her reaction just now...I’m dying to know what you told her about me.”

Then Raven leaned closer to Madi and whispered conspiratorially. “I promise they were all lies.”

Madi chuckled.

“Especially the one where I told you that Raven was my favorite.” Clarke teased and Madi laughed louder.

Raven’s smirk turned into a full blown smile. “God, I’ve missed you, Clarke.”

Clarke blushed at Raven’s admission and Octavia envied their easy banter. She wished she was still capable of feeling so free.

Raven stood up to her full height and her face grew serious. “Is there some place we can talk in private?”

Octavia lead them toward the tower and up to her room. Belatedly, she realized it had been Lexa’s old room.

As they walked, Clarke filled the silence. “How’s my mom?”

“She’s part of the reason I’m here.”

Clarke immediately stopped walking. “Is she okay?”

“She’s been better. And worse.” Raven answered with a shrug.

No one said anything else until they were safely and alone in Octavia’s room.

“Why are you really here, Raven?” Octavia asked again.

“Diyoza is freaking out right now, running scared. Murphy and Emori killed her second in command and she knows she can’t control her own people right now...not without offering them something. Hope. Promise of a cure.”

“Cure?”

“Some of her people have a disease...Abby has been working on a cure because without one, it will kill them.”

“And that’s why you’re here. Where I come in. You need me.” Clarke surmised sadly.

“What? Please fill a girl in here.” Octavia demanded eyes flitting from Clarke to Raven.

“My Synthetic Nightblood. It could likely cure them...if it doesn’t kill them.”

“What?! No!” Octavia yelled.

“They are offering a truce or rather, a ceasefire.” Raven explained.

“Everyone’s body reacts differently. Some may die anyway, even if the cure works. How will the truce stand then?” Clarke wondered.

Raven shrugged. 

“If they are dying...why can’t we just wait them out?” Octavia asked.

Raven shook her head. “There are some with her who think that if they can’t have the valley, then no one should. They may be dying, but they plan to take us all down with them.”

“Bastards.” Madi mumbled breathlessly.

Three pairs of eyes landed on her. Octavia smirked a bit at her defiance when she appeared to be unapologetic.

“So my mom told Diyoza about a possible cure and she agreed to a truce because she has nothing else to bargain with.”

Raven nodded. “She knows we out match and out number her, I guess it’s her way of saving the majority of her people.”

“It could work…” Clarke admitted.

Octavia hated the plan. “And what if it doesn’t work at all? Clarke....if it doesn’t work, we’re still right where we are now. Except you are there, being poked and prodded and experimented on. They are taking your blood to save  _ felons.  _ Criminals who want us all dead. And I can’t protect you there. Your mom won’t be able to protect you. Plus, you’ll be weakened. And for what.” Octavia’s voice started out soft as she pleaded with Clarke. “Did I mention they were criminals?”

Clarke regarded her sadly. “So were we once. Everyone deserves a second chance, Octavia.”

Octavia glared at Clarke. “It’s not the same and you know it. Not everyone deserves a second chance. And you have nothing left to prove to anyone.”

Before anything else could be said about the matter, Bellamy, Monty and Harper burst into the room and surrounded Raven in a group hug. They pulled away quickly when they realized that they had interrupted something serious.

“Clarke, I know that none of us has a right to ask anything of you after all you’ve done for everyone. And I hate it as much as anyone, believe me. But if we didn’t think there was a better option...if your mom didn’t think there was a better option...” Raven admitted sincerely.

“You’ve already decided you’re doing it, haven’t you?” Octavia asked, but her tone brokered no room for a question. She already knew the answer.

“Can someone please tell us what’s going on?” Bellamy demanded.

Clarke ignored him. “You know as well as I do, Octavia, that it isn’t a choice. If I turn them down, Diyoza will use it to turn the rest of your people against you. She’ll say that you could have delivered them safely to the valley. She’ll tell them that she offered a truce and you refused. That instead of having no further bloodshed, you chose one person’s life...an outsider...over the entirety of Wonkru’s. They will turn on you. They will kill you. And all of our friends. They’ll kill Madi.”

Octavia understood what Clarke told her and it was true and it made sense. But she hated it. Once again everyone’s life and safety was at the expense of Clarke’s. She was once again being asked to give up everything. And more than anything, Octavia hated that she didn’t have a better solution.

“Truce? They’re offering a truce?” Monty asked.

“Yup. Clarke just has to surrender herself as a human test subject and give blood transfusions to all of Diyoza’s dying criminal friends.” Octavia spat out petulantly.

Bellamy, Harper and Monty stared at Clarke with wide eyes.

“Clarke, no. There has to be another way.” Harper pleaded. “Raven how can you even ask her that...after everything?”

“Yeah, Clarke. We’ll find another way.” Monty agreed.

“Why do we even trust Diyoza to keep her word anyway?” Bellamy asked.

“We don’t.” Octavia growled.

“It might be more successful than I originally thought.” Clarke spoke thoughtfully, as if she was still working the problem out in her head. “I think I know why mom even suggested it. The survival rate may be high enough to save us. People died instantly and painfully when trying to be infused with real nightblood, but since mine is synthetic...they would likely survive the transfusion and by the time it takes them to realize that the cure may not work...it bought us enough time to come up with an actual solution. And until then...they will be weak and incapacitated. I can be the perfect diversion.”  Clarke glanced at Monty. “How long before you breach their cameras?”

“A few days. Maybe a week.” Monty answered. “But you’d be by yourself, mostly. And incapacitated yourself.”

Raven shook her head. “She’ll have me, her mom, Kane and Echo. And we also have a guy on the inside, Diyoza’s pilot. He’ll help us. Also, Murphy and Emori are camped not far away, they can be there in a moments notice.”

“You’re suggesting an ambush.” Madi surmised. “When they’re at their weakest.”

Clarke nodded. Octavia actually got on board with the plan, because rather than sit on her thumbs and deliver Clarke to the enemy, this plan meant they’d go on the offensive and that they had enough people to keep Clarke safe...enough.

“This could work. As soon as the Eye is down, we move. We make sure to lie in wait until the blood transfusions are underway and some of Diyoza’s people are out of the fight. Then we strike.”

Clarke frowned. “What about collateral damage though? Any destruction of the valley is detrimental to us all.”

“We’ll have Echo disarm them. She can collect the weapons that she is able to, and disable the rest. Remove the firing pins or something.” Bellamy suggested.

Octavia hated that they had to rely on Echo so much, but since Clarke was all about second chances and all that nonsense, maybe she could be as well. And after all was said and done, she would make sure to publicly forgive Echo and remove the exile proclamation from over her head.

“The guards and Diyoza will still be heavily armed. Make sure to take the guards out first, quietly.” Clarke told them.

Raven’s face lit up as if she just remembered something of vital importance. And perhaps she had.

“Kane told me that when the authorities originally came to arrest Diyoza...she tried to kill herself rather than face punishment for what she had done. She doesn’t regret the crimes she committed or the treason against her country and fellow soldiers. But she regretted not cutting deep enough. He doesn’t think she’ll make the same mistake next time…”

They were silent as that piece of information sunk in.

“So, we take out her guards, surround her and hope she finishes the job herself?” Harper asked skeptically.

“We offer her a chance to surrender and join Wonkru, but I’d rather not let her live.” Octavia declared.

“So...we’re doing this? Clarke... _ you’re _ doing this?” Monty asked nervously. Concern written all over his face.

The same concern and fear shown on Madi’s face.

“Unless anyone else has a better solution? I’m open to hearing it now.”

Raven regretfully shook her head. “Diyoza only gave me 24 hours to deliver you or else all pretense of a truce is gone. I suggest instead of coming up with multiple plans, that we use the time to ensure this one works.”

They worked most of the day and into the evening solidifying their plan. Eventually, they brought Miller and Indra in to join them in the preparation process. Octavia considered bringing in Cooper as well, but after hearing that the others didn’t trust her, she thought better of it.

By the time night fell, they had a lot of it figured out. At least Clarke knew everything she would need to know, going in to the situation. They broke for dinner, going their separate ways as to not arouse any more suspicious than Raven’s initial arrival had likely warranted. Clarke hugged Monty and Harper goodbye, both wiped tears from their eyes.

“I hate that we’re always saying goodbye to you, Clarke.” Harper had said as she left.

Bellamy hugged the blonde next. “I’m glad you decided to stay. Until now, it seemed to all be working out. You actually looked happy for awhile.”

“I was happy, Bell. And I will be again. This plan will work. I trust you all.”

He sighed as he let her go. “Make sure to tell Echo, ‘hey’ for me.”

“That’s all? ‘ _ Hey _ .’ I was expected something more risque or maybe embarrassingly romantic.” Clarke grinned.

He ducked his head shyly and walked out. Raven laughed at the interaction.

“He and Echo are really great for each other. He’s changed alot since we last saw you. We all have. We wanted to be better people...to have made your sacrifice worth it. So you didn’t die for nothing. I can’t tell you how much I hate making you do this. But I also can’t tell you how much I love that you are still alive, Clarke.”

Octavia listened to the conversation as discreetly as possible for a moment before she interrupted.

“Why don’t you three sleep here tonight.” Octavia offered.

Clarke looked at her with anguish on her features. “I wish I could, Octavia...too many memories….”

Octavia frowned. Memories? This tower was were she and Clarke had sex for the first time. It was one of Octavia’s best memories. And then realization gripped her heart like a vice.

“ _ Lexa _ ...shit...Clarke. I’m so sorry.”

Clarke smiled sadly. “I think that we should leave during the night anyway. It will make less of a disturbance. You don’t need too many people asking too many questions. You’ll have enough to deal with while I’m gone.”

“I hate that you have to be the one sacrificing everything again, Clarke.” She told her quietly but with a certainty and finality that was forceful.

Clarke’s breath hitched and she took Octavia’s hand and led her several feet away from the others in the room.

“Remember how I said that living had to be about more than just surviving? This is our chance, Octavia. To be free. To actually live for once. Wait until you see the valley...it’s so beautiful. You’ll love it.”

Octavia studied Clarke for a long moment. “This will be the last time you sacrifice anything, Clarke.” She sighed and ran her hands through her own hair with frustration. “I’m so sick of sacrificing a few for the greater good of us all. I’m so sick of losing people because of someone else’s war or vendetta or hatred. You better not die on me, Clarke.”

“You’re hands are clean of this, Octavia. It’s my choice.”

“That’s not what I asked, Clarke.” Then she rolled her eyes. “Besides, it’s not as if any of us has a choice. About any of it.”

She knew her push for war...for vengeance….against the invaders was what distanced herself from her own brother. And pushed them headlong into this forthcoming war. Her reactions to Clarke and Bellamy being back was what spread anxiousness and distrust among Wonkru. And because of all of it, Clarke was put into this position she found herself in at the moment. She also knew, that if their plan worked….she would make sure that she made things right with everyone. Her people. Her brother. And mostly, Clarke.

“Don’t worry about Madi. I’ll protect her with my life.” Octavia swore to her.

“Thank you.”

And the way that Clarke said the words, Octavia believed that maybe things between them were more than okay.

Clarke hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “May we meet again.”

She hadn’t waited for a response before she stepped away and walked toward Madi. She knelt down and wrapped the now weeping girl in her arms.

“Don’t let Octavia retrain you so much that you forget that love is strength and tears are what keep us human.” Clarke smiled wryly as she glanced toward Octavia and then her eyes settled on Madi’s again. “And maybe you can actually teach her a few things while I’m gone. Like how to smile and have fun. And bonus points if you can actually get her to laugh.”

Madi chuckled and so did Raven.

“If you can make Octavia Blake laugh...I’ll give you a ride on my spaceship.” Raven commented playfully.

“Really?” Madi asked hopefully.

Raven nodded resolutely.

“See…” Clarke spoke and drew Madi’s attention back onto her. “Between you and me...I think you have the harder job.”

Octavia couldn’t take anymore. She walked away without a word. She stayed away until after she was sure that Raven and Clarke had left. Then she forced herself to be strong enough to keep her promise to Clarke. She walked back into the room and made sure that she comforted the distraught young girl. Madi needed her and she wasn’t going to let her down. She wasn’t going to let any of them down. Especially, Clarke.

Madi moped around the next morning and it was jarring to see the young girl so sad when she was normally so full of life. Octavia sat with her as they ate breakfast together in silence. She tried to figure out how to improve the girl’s mood.

“You’ll take a ride in Raven’s spaceship with us, won’t you? You never really got to enjoy it last time and I think it could be a fun thing we could do together. Me, you, Clarke and Raven. Do you think Raven is dating anyone? I know that Bellamy has Echo and Monty is with Harper.”

“And Murphy is still with Ontari, right?” Octavia wondered aloud.

Madi shrugged. “Not sure, they were fighting last time I saw them. We need to find someone for Raven.”

“I thought for sure that if my brother didn’t end up with Clarke, he would have been with Raven. Although, I have to admit, there were times I thought maybe Clarke and Raven would hit it off.”

Madi studied her. “You never thought about being with Clarke before? Why? Because you had Lincoln and she was in love with Lexa?”

Octavia shouldn’t have been surprised that Madi knew about Lincoln. She truly did seem to know about everyone.

“Did Clarke talk about Lexa alot?”

Madi fidgeted with her fingers anxiously. 

“Go ahead, you can tell me anything.” Octavia encouraged her gently when she realized that she seemed nervous.

“She told me everything about her once, but didn’t talk about her a lot after that. I think it hurt her to talk about it. Did you know that Lexa basically exchanged marriage vows with her?”

Octavia’s eyes widened. “What?!”

Madi nodded. “Right after Skaikru joined as the thirteenth clan. No one trusted Lexa at the time. You were all mad at her. Clarke was still incredibly hurt by her betrayal. But she bowed before Lexa and declared that Skaikru would submit to her rule. Clarke did it to protect her people, to protect all of you. It was well known that the Commander bowed before no one, but that night after the ceremony, Lexa went into Clarke’s room, dropped to her knees and pledged to her. Let me see if I remember this correctly….she said, ‘I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.’”

“Wow.” Octavia breathed out in awe. Her chest hurt at the admission.

“She kept her promise...she died keeping her promise.” Madi told her sadly.

Octavia’s mind reeled with the new information. Clarke could have had a life with Lexa. They loved each other. They were devoted to each other. They wanted the best for all people involved. And Octavia made Clarke choose between her own happiness, and the lives of their people. To make matters worse, Clarke had planned to give up her happy life with Lexa to follow Octavia back and be the dutiful leader that was expected of her.

She shook her head in dejection. “After hearing that story...I’m still your favorite, huh?”

She tried to be light-hearted about it. She even forced a lopsided grin on her face.

Madi smiled back. “I liked that you were strong and independent and that you went from being some invisible person under the floor to the commander of what was left of the human race. But also, I liked how frustrated Clarke would get when she talked about you sometimes. You challenged each other, questioned each other. I think you made each other better.”

Octavia nodded in agreement. That last part was certainly true.

“Did she talk about anyone else, the way she talked about Lexa?”

“She told me about Finn, a little. She told me how he hurt both her and Raven. And also what he did...in the village….and what she had to do.”

Octavia remained silent.

“And she mentioned Niylah.”

Octavia didn’t want to hear anymore about who Clarke had been with before.

“What did Clarke tell you about Lincoln?”

“She said that he was a really great guy and that you loved him.” Madi’s eyes softened. “He’s very hot….Clarke drew a picture.”

Octavia swallowed thickly. “She drew him?”

“Yeah. Remember, I told you that she drew a bunch of pictures of everyone? When we get to the valley, I’m sure that she’ll give it to you.”

“I’d like that. And I’d like to see all the pictures when we get there. I’m excited to see where you grew up.”

“I’ll give you the tour, if you promise to ride Raven’s spaceship with us.” Madi negotiated; which caused Octavia to smile warmly at her.

“You have a deal. Raven’s always talking about her space walk...it’s only fair I get a chance, too.”

Madi’s eyes lit up.

“I can’t wait. Clarke painted me a picture. Of the view of Earth from space. She said it was so easy to replicate because when she was on the Ark, that was all she saw and she painted it so many times she started to believe that she’d never actually reach it.”

Octavia liked the unbidden stories Madi told of Clarke. She just enjoyed thinking about Clarke and knowing whatever she could about her.

“You know, Octavia...in all of Clarke’s stories...she never told me that you liked girls.”

“What?!” Octavia croaked out awkwardly making Madi chuckle.

Did Madi know about them? Not that there was a  _ them _ . Just that things had recently changed between them. Did everyone know? Was she that obvious? If it was already public knowledge, she regretted that she didn’t kiss Clarke goodbye. She had wanted to.

“It’s fine, I don’t care.” Madi reassured her.

“But I’m not...we’re not…” She didn’t know what she wanted to say or how she planned to say it.

“Oh....so Cooper’s not your girlfriend? Clarke said…”

Octavia shook her head. She interrupted whatever it was that Clarke had said about it. “Cooper is absolutely not my girlfriend.”

Madi frowned in confusion. “Okay? So you just have sex then?”

“Madi!”

The younger girl didn’t even look admonished at Octavia’s outburst.

“Is it because you believe that love is weakness? Is that why she isn’t your girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend because I don’t like her that way.”

“Does she know that?”

Octavia frowned and shook her head with her eyes closed. “I’m not talking about this with you.”

“I know that Wonkru teaches that love is weakness. But love makes you stronger. Clarke’s love for all of you kept her alive for five years and my love for my family kept me in that valley...near them, so that Clarke could find me there. And this past year with Clarke...love has gotten us through, Octavia. It hasn’t made us weaker at all.”

Octavia regarded the girl and considered what she had said, but didn’t say anything.

“So you have nothing to be scared about.” Madi finished with a warm smile.

“I’m not scared.” The older brunette demanded.  
“Of course you’re not. You are Octavia Blake. You’re a badass.”

Octavia smirked and rolled her eyes fondly. “Does Clarke know you swear?”

Madi blushed. “She doesn’t like it. But who does she think taught me how to do it?”

Octavia’s smirk turned into a genuine smile. “You two really are close, aren’t you?”

It was rhetorical, because anyone with eyes could see it. But Madi answered her anyway.

“She’s my family.”

Octavia grabbed Madi’s hand in her own. “You're not alone anymore, Madi. You have a family now, more than just Clarke. You have me, and you’ll have her mom. And all of our friends. You never have to be alone again.”

They sat and talked a bit longer. Then Octavia dropped Madi off for training and went to find Monty to see if there was any news. She knew there wouldn’t be, but she no longer desired to be alone. Harper sat in a chair next to Monty and they were playfully bickering when Octavia entered the room. Rather than break right into business, she pulled up a chair and sat beside them.

“At least there are a few good things that came out of everything. You guys make a really great couple, and I’m really happy for both of you.” Octavia told them fondly.

They both smiled at her warmly in return.

“Tell me...what was space like free and without adult supervision or imprisonment?” Octavia asked them with a smirk. “Spare me details on who hooked up with whom...unless, Raven and Emori did because that would be somehow amusing. Or Raven and Murphy. Please tell me there was at least some drama.”

Harper chuckled and Monty shook his head. 

“It was kind of boring, sadly. The food left a lot to be desired.” Harper teased.

“Hey!” Monty pouted. Then he pointed an accusatory finger at Octavia. “Don’t encourage her and don’t knock it till you try it.”

Octavia smiled with adoration at him. “I think I’ll pass. But thanks for the offer, Monty. You know I would’ve eaten in without complaint, just for you.”

He shook his head and admitted sadly. “No, it was really awful. You would have complained as well.”

“How about I put you in charge of food production and harvesting the gardens when we get to the valley...to allow you to redeem yourself?” She offered friendly.

“Thanks, but I’d rather let someone else have the honor...perhaps, Harper…”

Her eyes widened. “I don’t...no...I...is there really fresh fruit and gardens and everything?”

Octavia nodded. “Yeah, Clarke and Madi ate strawberries like it was their job. They said that there is more food that what we’d know what to do with, even with all the extra people. We could learn to can some and have leftovers for the months that the fruit and vegetables are out of season. There is so much to look forward to.”

Without intending to, the mood in the room suddenly shifted into that of sorrow. They all worried about Clarke and their friends. They were concerned about the outcome of the upcoming mission to take back the valley.  Octavia sensed that the playful mood was over, so she decided to change to subject.

“You know, this whole time, for over six years, I imagined all of you up there. Happy. I’m glad the two of you still are together and happy….but what went wrong? When I talked to Bellamy before you all went up, everything seemed to be fine. Like you had it all figured out. He never mentioned Clarke had…”

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She knew that Clarke had survived, but she hated to think about what the girl had gone through.

“She didn’t get back in time. Something had gone wrong. We had to split up. Harper, Echo and Emori helped Raven get the rocket ready. We had to adjust it in a few hours to fit all of us inside. They added seats. Murphy and I were in charge of getting additional oxygen. None of us would have survived without extra tanks. But they were heavy and...Bellamy went with Clarke because they were in charge of re-establishing a signal. Without a signal, when we got to the ring...there would be no power to open the doors. We would all have died even with the extra oxygen. So Clarke stayed to work on the comms stuff and Bellamy helped us the the oxygen. We had a strict time limit, we all knew it...and when we got back to the hanger with the last of the oxygen time had basically run out. Clarke still wasn’t back yet.” Monty explained.

“None of us wanted to leave her. Bellamy least of all. But she would have wanted us to live...you know that. We all knew that.” Harper continued sadly. She even wiped a stray tear from her eye. “We hate ourselves for it. You have no idea how happy we were to learn that she lived. We owe her our lives.”

The fact that once again they all owed Clarke their lives was left unsaid. But the weight of that truth made the room thick with emotion.

“If the satellite thing was risky...why send Clarke? Why not the most expendable...like Echo?” Octavia knew she was being a petulant brat about it. But she knew that her choice would always be to save Clarke, especially if it were the blonde or Echo.

“If you had to put mine, Harper’s, Raven’s and Bellamy’s lives in anyone’s hands...wouldn’t you always choose Clarke’s?” Monty offered.

Octavia didn’t answer. Why were the same people always the ones being asked to sacrifice everything? Why were they the ones who always lost everything. She hoped that Clarke was right about this time--that life could be about more than just surviving for once. She was more than ready for it.

“And besides…” Monty continued when Octavia didn’t answer. “It all worked out, Clarke was okay. And she wasn’t alone. She had Madi.”

Harper smiled. “You know, Clarke told Madi all kinds of stories about all of us.”

Octavia nodded and smiled softly. “Yeah, I also know that I’m her favorite.”

Monty rolled his eyes and chuckled. Harper laughed as well.

Octavia sighed. “I get it. The stories. It had been Clarke’s way of remembering us all and to keep her from being so lonely. I did it, too. Like I said, I imagined all of you up there. What your lives would be like. How different it would be in space this time when you were free and friends rather than criminals and strangers. I think I would have liked that. I had assumed that Clarke and my brother had finally gotten together. Sometimes, I imagined it was Clarke and Raven. I always thought about how Murphy likely drove you all nuts.” Octavia closed her eyes as memories washed over her. She felt a hand on her forearm but didn’t open her eyes. “I waited for you guys to come get me. I waited to see you all again. I would’ve given anything to just talk to you over the radio...just one time so I knew that you were up there, that I wasn’t alone.”

“Our comms were down.” Monty sounded regretful.

She nodded because she had figured as much.

“In all of my imagined scenarios, none of them featured my brother hooking up with Echo.”

She opened her eyes and was able to catch the way Monty raised a questioning eyebrow. “But you did imagine him hooking up with Clarke?”

“Eww, no!” She huffed indignantly. “I may have been lonely but not  _ that  _ lonely...or desperate.”

“What about the Clarke and Raven scenarios?” Harper asked innocently even though she smirked at the end of the question.

“Come on...like you guys don’t think it’d be hot. Clarke likes girls. Clarke is hot. It’s just...hot.”

Harper frowned. “I’m kind of disappointed that you never imagined me with Clarke then. I mean...I wouldn’t say no if she offered.”

“Now that could be hot.” Monty smirked and received a smack from both girls. “Come on you girls can objectify Clarke, but I can’t?”

“No!” They both yelled in unison.

Octavia actually laughed a bit at the situation. So did Monty. Harper looked pensive for a moment.

“I know you can’t stand Echo, but she’s actually changed a lot. She wanted to change because she wanted to make Clarke’s sacrifice worth it. She didn’t want to let her down. I think she might have a slight crush on her. Like hero worship or something.”

Octavia’s easy laughter died in her throat as she glared harshly at the girl. “Take it back.”

Harper frowned. “Take what back?”

“Echo better stay away from Clarke, it’s bad enough that she seduced my brother.”

Monty furrowed his brows as he studied Octavia closely. “How long have you been crushing on Clarke?”

Octavia’s eyes widened and a deep crimson colored her cheeks. “No...I...love is weakness.” She recited robotically.

“Maybe…” Monty smirked at her. “But I never said anything about love.”

She stood up, angrily shoved her chair out of her way and stormed off without a word. Chuckles from both Monty and Harper filled her ears before she cleared the doors. Octavia remembered belatedly that she had never gotten around to talking about the secret mission and the real reason why she sought out Monty to begin with. Oh well, that would have to wait for tomorrow.

As she walked down the corridors of the tower, she ran into Cooper.

“There you are.” The other woman smiled at her. “I fear you’ve been avoiding me.”

Octavia shook her head and stepped away slightly. “No, I’ve just been busy.”

“With what? We aren’t actually doing anything. You have to know people are getting restless...unless, you are planning something.” She eyed her carefully. “You’ve been planning with your old Skaikru friends...why have you kept me out of the plans?”

“You know my goal has always been to take back the valley, that hasn’t changed.”

“But other things have.” 

Octavia swallowed nervously but remained silent.

“You used to put Wonkru above all.”

Octavia narrowed her eyes. “I still do.”

“Then why are there none of us in the meetings?”

“Indra and Miller have been present.” Octavia told her and when she saw the dark look that passed across Cooper’s face, she realized that it had been the wrong thing to say.

“So you have been avoiding me.”

“You are  _ one  _ of my advisors, Cooper. I have been meeting with others. I don’t owe you anything and you have no reason to question your Commander.” She told her with a bit of bite to her tone.

“No reason now that Clarke is gone. I wonder, if she in fact deserted...why was she not hunted down like a traitor?”

Octavia practically growled. “You will not touch, Clarke, or any of Skaikru. And you will not go near Madi. She is officially Wonkru and will be treated as such. As for why Clarke left, although it is none of your business whatsoever, Clarke is part of a mission that will bring us to the valley. As are the rest of them. When I have more to tell you, believe me, you will know. And so will the rest of Wonkru. But if you must, tell those who are restless, that the time is coming. They are to remain vigil. The valley will soon be ours.”

Cooper did not seem satisfied with the news, but she nodded in understanding and seemed to, in the very least, back down from her confrontational stance.

“Are you too busy to resume our nightly...adventures? Because, my bed has been cold as of late.” Cooper asked in a way that was most likely meant to sound alluring, but it further pissed Octavia off.

“I’m sure there are a number of people who wouldn’t mind warming it for you.” She spat out and made a hasty exit before Cooper could respond.

She wondered if Cooper was always so pushy and supposed that she was. With distance from her, she could see why her friends distrusted her. Sure, she had been loyal to Octavia for years. But was that loyalty really only gotten out of their trysts? Because now, Cooper had been acting like a jealous girlfriend, or jealous ex more likely. A twisted part of her was curious if Niylah would act the same way with regards to what had been developing between her and Clarke. And for whatever reason, she found herself suddenly seeking the other woman out.

“Niylah!” She called out when she found her wandering down one of the streets in the center of town.

The woman stopped walking and looked up at her with a smile. “Octavia, hello.”

Octavia smiled back, though her smile was far more reserved.

“I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that Clarke is gone.” Octavia mentioned to test the waters.

Niylah nodded. “I’m assuming it was a planned departure though, since she left with Raven.”

“Yes, of course. We had been waiting for the perfect way to take back the valley, and although I admit that I dislike the means...it does justify the ends in this case...or however that saying used to go.” Octavia paused contemplatively. “I don’t think I ever fully embraced that concept until now.”

Niylah studied her. “I take it the plan somehow makes Clarke a martyr once again.”

Octavia sighed, held her eye contact and then nodded. “Can we talk someplace more private?”

Soon they were within the walls of the tower again. 

“Tell me, Octavia, is Clarke okay?”

“I think so. We haven’t actually heard from any one on our side about what’s going on over there but I have to believe things are good.”

“You of all people know what she’s been through...how could you have let her put her life in danger again? Even if it was for all of us?” 

She hadn’t asked it in anger, only curiosity. But it still stung.

“You know Clarke as well as I do…when have you ever known her to  _ let  _ someone tell her what to do?”

Niylah smiled fondly. “I suppose you’re right. I apologize for offending you.”

Octavia lead them into the throne room. Rather than sitting at the throne, she sat on the stairs beside it. Niylah sat next to her.

“You still care about Clarke.” Octavia stated.

“Yes, of course.”

“Do you mind sharing with me...what happened between the two of you? I know that Clarke left Arcadia after everything that happened at Mount Weather. She was on her own for awhile, there was a mountain lion...”

Niylah shook her head. “That explains those scars on her back. She never did tell me about them. Although, at the time, we didn’t talk a lot.”

Octavia tried to listen objectively to the story, but she couldn’t help the unintended jealousy that coursed through her. Here she sought out Niylah to gauge the other woman’s jealousy, and it had totally backfired on her.

“How did...that whole thing all start?” Octavia asked quietly.

Niylah blushed. Then she closed her eyes and shook her head as if trying to displace the memory. 

“I mean, I know you were a trader and that’s how you meant. Clarke also mentioned that she got your family killed...she hasn’t forgiven herself for that, by the way. Just so you know.” Octavia offered.

The other woman sighed loudly. “Lots of people were looking for Clarke...although, none of which were her own people, which I find slightly odd.”

Octavia’s face went white and she felt ashamed. They hadn’t looked for Clarke. At the time, she was still pissed at the other girl, and with Pike starting to seize control Skaikru had a lot of their plate. But Clarke was alone, and being hunted.

“The grounders wanted the power of Wanheda. Legend was that since she killed the mountain men...she had the power to destroy armies. Azgeda wanted her head. Lexa hired someone to find Clarke and take her to...well, here. To her in Polis. Azgeda sent people to kill my family because I helped her. And at first, I was mad at Clarke...I thought I hated her. But she didn’t kill my family, they did.”

Octavia realized she still had so much to learn about Clarkel. So much she felt she should still apologize for. And to know that Lexa had saved her. The more she learned about her, the more she hated to admit that she respected and maybe even liked her. It was no wonder Clarke ended up falling in love with her.

“I don’t think that was what you were asking though...so I’ll tell you what you want to know.” Niylah played with her own hands. “Clarke had been alone. And before that, she had done things she felt were irredeemable. She needed compassion and she needed human connection. I cared about her and just wanted to help heal some of her pain. So I became whatever she needed of me. A listening ear. A shoulder to cry on. And someone to warm her bed on the darkest of nights when the nightmares got overpowering and the loneliness threatened to overtake her. That grew into something more eventually. As I’m sure you have heard.”

Octavia nodded. Niylah's words haunted her. She pictured her bringing Clarke back from the dead, bringing her to life with her touch and her love. Her heart broke for Niylah as well, however, because it was obvious this girl had loved Clarke. And as soon as Clarke was healed, she was able to fall in love with Lexa...not Niylah. Had Clarke used Niylah? Maybe not intentionally, but it seemed obvious that she did. Niylah had said that she became whatever Clarke needed her to be, because she wanted her to be okay. 

Then it hit her. Was Clarke doing that for her now? Was she willing to be used by Octavia because she understood Octavia’s loneliness? Her craving for a human connection. For human touch. 

“Whatever has you freaking out right now, you need to stop.” Niylah's voice sounded so far away, but she had actually moved closer to Octavia and placed a hand on her shoulder that grounded her. “Clarke and I are not you and Clarke.”

“A lot of it sounds familiar.”

“Maybe. But there is one crucial difference.” Niylah removed her hand from Octavia’s shoulder and folded her own hands in her lap as she looked down at them in resignation. Then she glanced up at Octavia with a sad smile. “You love her back.”

Octavia frowned for a moment before realization dawned on her. She did love Clarke. Clarke was Niylah in the situation. The one who would do anything for the girl she had grown to love. Well, she hoped that Clarke had come to love her. And Octavia was the old Clarke. That Clarke had been too broken at the time to love Niylah back. She hadn’t found love until later, with Lexa. Or perhaps her heart had already belonged to Lexa and therefore she was unable to return Niylah’s affections. Either way, it hadn’t worked out between them because Clarke didn’t love Niylah. But Niylah had hinted that this time...Clarke and Octavia, they had it right. They loved each other.

Octavia swallowed and wiped at her eyes because she only now realized she had started to cry. “Thank you.”

“Thank me by making her happy. That is all I have ever wanted for her.” Niylah told her.

Octavia nodded quickly. “I will. I mean, I will try. I want to.”

“You do.” 

Octavia smiled proudly. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad that Clarke had you. I know that she cares about you very much still.”

“Thank you.” Niylah closed her eyes and a lone tear fell from one of them. When she opened them, she caught Octavia’s gaze. “And for what’s it's worth, I think she’s good for you too.”

Then she stood up and walked away without looking back. Octavia sat in the throne room in silence. She replayed so many things from their past that now made more sense. She felt like she understood Clarke more. She wished that she had taken the time to truly know Lexa. Octavia thought about Lincoln and Jasper and everyone and everything that lead her to this moment. The things that helped define her. Helped shape her. 

That night she told Madi some stories. She told her about Lincoln, her first love. How she felt more like a grounder...more whole embracing that part of herself than she ever had before. How choosing Lincoln’s side often put her at odds with her friends. Although she left out the parallels between her and Clarke (Clarke’s perceived betrayal of Skaikru, because of her love for Lexa).

Next, she told Madi about Jasper. How sweet he was, and how fun. He had been the first person to ever have a crush on her. She talked about how it made her feel. How it was exciting to finally be seen by someone. Even if he saw her in a way that she never really was. He didn’t see her the way that Lincoln or Clarke always did. Like they could see into her soul. Like they understood. And even though they saw her as she was...they also showed her who she could be. 

She talked about Bellamy. Their love/frustration relationship. He could drive her crazy like no one else. But despite all their arguments, she knew he loved her. They had an intense sibling rivalry matched only by near absolute loyalty. Although that last part had been tested often recently. Octavia told Madi how it was Bellamy who named her. And how he helped keep her hidden. He told her all the best stories. And he even snuck her out from under the floor when the other kids were all having a party, so she could see what it was like to be normal, just once. How she got to see the view of Earth for the first time and how it had been what got her through the lonely days after she was captured and thrown in isolation.

Inevitably, she started talking about Clarke. Maybe she had been Octavia’s first real friend. On her own merits. They had bonded over Clarke healing Lincoln. She liked that Clarke was a good person who trusted her and wanted to him him. One of her favorite things about back then was that she and Clarke saw each other as equals. Clarke had never demanded or expected anything of her. Oftentimes, they were on the same side of things. And looking back, when they did argue...she found that she enjoyed it. The push and pull. The intensity because both believed they were absolutely right. But there had been a loyalty then. An intense connection that she had only just started to understand.

Long after Madi had fallen asleep, Octavia thought about Clarke. She tried to figure out when things started to change between them. At least on her side. She contemplated why she was so upset about Clarke’s obvious relationship with Lexa. Why loving a grounder threatened her when she herself already loved one. Did it mean something back then? And if so, what? What did it mean for them both now? She understood that love was not weakness, but strength. She felt it on a visceral level. And although, she could admit to herself that she did love Clarke...that was different than being  _ in love  _ with Clarke, right? 

Octavia hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep that night and she was frustrated because she was still no closer to answering most of her questions. She groggily dropped Madi off for training and quickly checked in with Gaia on her progress. It wasn’t surprising at all how quickly Maddy had caught up to the other trainees. Octavia was proud of her. And of Clarke for remembering so much about how the grounders lived that she was able to teach it to Madi.

She decided that she would talk to Monty next and wasn’t surprised to find Harper in the lab with him. Monty was diligently working on the computers so she sat beside Harper and started a conversation with her.

“About the conversation we had last time I was in here….” She started and smiled when Harper’s eyes widened. “You’re not in trouble or anything. I just...does everyone know about me and Clarke, because I thought we had been as discreet as possible.”

Harper laughed out loud, and Monty chuckled a bit.

“Not discreet at all, I take it.” She muttered as her face flushed pink.

“Aside from the fact that you were practically joined at the hip, it was more the way you changed since you’ve been...together.” Harper told her nervously.

Octavia raised a questioning eyebrow.

“It’s just...I’ve known you for a long time now. And even though I don’t know much about what the past six years has been like for you...even since I got here, you’ve been really...intense.”

“Intense?”

“Yeah, scary.”

Octavia’s eyes widened in horror. Her own friends were scared of her.

“I’m not judging. None of us are. We can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through, and we’ve all changed really. But….suddenly, you’ve been hanging around with Clarke and Madi and it’s like...in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you look so...I don’t know, free? Content maybe?”

“Happy. She’s happy.” Monty stated with a small, proud smile. “And if anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you and Clarke.”

Octavia returned his smile and then reached out and touched Harpers hand in thanks as well. The girl’s whole face lit up. 

“It’s crazy. I know you’re missing Clarke really bad. And we’re all anxious for the upcoming mission and no one knows what will happen after we get to the valley even if everything goes well...yet, here you are, still happy. And, I think that means everything, Octavia. So hold on to it.” Harper said as she placed her hand atop of Octavia’s. “And for the record, watching you and Madi is absolutely adorable. It’s like the kid already has two moms. I ship it.”

Octavia barked out a laugh as Bellamy walked into the room. She was in such high spirits at the moment, his presence didn’t even dampen it.

“Hey, big brother.” She greeted with a grin.

He looked taken aback at first, but recovered quickly enough. “O.”

He sat on the other side of Monty and slapped his back playfully. 

“Tell me you’ve got something, man. It’s been weeks since Echo’s been there. I know Raven would have said something if anything happened to her, but she had to have time to use the flashdrive by now, right?” He wondered anxiously. 

Octavia actually felt for him. “Hey, Bell, could we talk a minute?”

He nodded and stood to follow her so that they were out of earshot of the others.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“I’m sure everyone is safe over there. We would have heard otherwise. And they’ve all been through worse than this, you know?”

Bellamy nodded and frowned. “Yeah, Echo lived through human experimentation. Raven outlived being possessed by a genocidal A.I. and Clarke survived having her face burn off due to radiation.”

Octavia’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

“Shit. She didn’t tell you.”

“That her face basically melted off. No, never came up.” She frowned, and was sick to her stomach at the visual.

Bellamy sighed. “You know it was bad, right? Just because she survived the radiation, it didn’t mean that her body wasn’t affected by it. Her entire body was burned so badly that she passed out for days, nearly a week. Even then, the pain was so bad as she was regrowing...as her skin healed....it was hell, O. And before you curse at me and let me know how much you hate me for allowing her to go through that...alone….know that I hate myself more than you ever could.”

Octavia took a deep breath as she reached for her brother and wrapped him in her arms. She let out her breath as steadily as possible as she spoke into his shoulder. “I don’t hate you. And she wasn’t alone.”

He squeezed her tightly and let his chin fall atop her head. “Madi is a pretty amazing kid, isn’t she?”

Octavia smiled. “She is.”

Bellamy pulled away with hesitation. “I don’t know how much you know about what happened and why she stayed behind….but I would like to explain it to you. I need you to know that the decision was her own. And it wasn’t made lightly.”

Octavia nodded wordlessly.  

“Our vehicle was attacked on the way to Raven. We were able to subdue the people. Echo had been one of them...though she didn’t know who she was attacking. Anyway, Emori’s suit had ripped slightly in the struggle and the exposure would have killed her quickly. So Clarke exchanged suits with her. She figured she was somewhat immune, and she was right. But then her nose started to bleed. Not bad. Too much time had passed and there was no way we were still going to get to Raven and back to the bunker in time. So I wanted to turn back. I thought it was better most of us lived, you know?”

Octavia nodded in understanding.

“Clarke wouldn’t go. She told us to go back though. That she would go to Raven so that Raven wouldn’t be alone. I begged her to come back and she told me that she wouldn’t be let in because she was already exposed. That you couldn’t risk the health of everyone for her, even if she fought the sickness off.”

Octavia’s breathing started to get shallow at the implication that Clarke assumed Octavia would have turned her away for the safety of the entire human population. And she likely would have. Or she would have liked to believe she wouldn’t have been selfish enough to risk it just to save Clarke. She hoped that she would have agreed with Clarke that it was better to save everyone else. But would that have been the truth? She isn’t sure. Not now.

“So we agreed to all go to Raven instead, and come up with a better way to save us all. And we did. We fixed the rocket to seat the eight of us in record time. We even got the additional oxygen needed. It took work. And we had to separate to get all the work done. But we did it. Except for restoring the comms. That was supposed to be mine and Clarke’s task. But Monty needed help. I left and we got the oxygen loaded. But Clarke never came back. I wanted to wait longer. We all did….but….”

She knew the rest. But she let him tell his story. He needed to get it out. And he cried as he did so.

“I missed her every single day. I replayed every detail leading up to it. How things could have gone differently, how I should have done something to save her. They all missed her just as much as I did. They all felt just as guilty as I did. Echo hates herself still. If she hadn’t attacked our car. If she had exchanged suits with Emori instead. But I watched her change, O. She didn’t want to be that person anymore; the selfish girl who killed without remorse. She wanted to be deserving of Clarke’s sacrifice and she _ is. _ She is such a great person. When I first saw you again...I thought that you changed the most out of all of us. You looked like you were so closed off to the world. So defeated. But I was wrong. You were just hurting, like the rest of us. And I see it now...how you are still the good, kind, thoughtful, just person I have always known. I see you with Madi and with Clarke. I saw you with Monty and Harper just now. You’re still you. And Clarke is still the one willing to sacrifice herself to save us all. And Monty is still Monty. And Raven is still Raven. Believe me...you will be impressed with Murphy when you see him. He has changed quite a bit as well. But please...give Echo a real chance. Let her show you who Clarke inspired her to be.”

“I hate that you used Clarke just now to make me feel bad for Echo.” Octavia growled but it lacked actual bite.

She was willing to give the other girl the benefit of the doubt for now. How could she not?

He grinned at her. “I liked Lincoln. He was a good guy and I know how much you loved him. But as a big brother, I don’t think that anyone is worthy of my sister. You know that, right?”

“Are you telling me that you don’t approve of me and Clarke?”

“The opposite. She isn’t just anyone, Octavia. And you and I both know it. No one else could ever be good enough for either of you...so you’re pretty much stuck with each other now, like it or not.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re still an idiot. You realize that, right?”

He went to answer but was interrupted by Monty.

“You guys, I’m an idiot! I can’t believe I missed it the whole time.”

Octavia and Bellamy rushed over to him.

“What’d you miss?” She asked him.

“I’ve had control of the cameras for days. Echo did it. I just...hold on….” He squinted his eyes as he more closely studied the computer screen. “It must be the pilot Raven told us about. He’s...he’s writing something to me right now.”

_ It’s about time. I thought Raven said you were smart. _

“That prick.” Octavia breathed out and Harper chuckled in response.

_ You have backdoor access to our systems. I can also let you see what I see. But be careful snooping around because I’m not always alone in here. _

Monty wrote back.  _ Did Raven tell you the plan? We need to blackout the Eye so we can leave. Can you loop the cameras? Give us time to get to you? _

The response was immediate.

_ I can. Give me another day. But you’ll have to wait until Diyoza is more preoccupied with the experimental trials so that she doesn’t hover around here as much. _

“Ask him about Clarke...did they start the trials already?” Octavia begged.

Monty nodded and typed her question.

_ Yes. They started as soon as she got here. Poor girl’s going through hell. They took as much blood from her as possible without her keeling over. Shit sorry. I know she’s your friend. And it does suck, what they’re doing to her. Raven and that Echo girl...the one who gave me the flashdrive. They are doing what they can to help Clarke’s mom keep her safe...and comfortable. _

Octavia’s stomach dropped. 

“Tell him to get the camera’s on a loop. Draw us a map and I don’t know...give you access to it from the flashdrive.” Octavia watched as he transcribed her words. “Oh, and make a list of the most dangerous and the least likely to accept a peace offering. Tell him to give that list to Echo...and that those will be her targets when we stage our attack.”

She glanced at Bellamy and saw him nod appreciatively at her.

“Oh, and tell him to give Raven a damn radio so we can check in while we’re en route. Let him know that we are leaving as soon as the camera problem is solved. And that we also need the map to include where the guards are posted. Where Clarke is. And where Diyoza will be.”

It took him nearly two hours to prepare the list and the maps for them. It was quite detailed and Octavia had no doubt in her mind that Raven and Echo had helped. Echo provided very detailed information about the number and types of weapons on hand. The number of hostiles versus the number of innocents. As well as suggestions for best positioning and plans for attack. Raven detailed the schematics. Took the map apart piece by piece and listed the actual distances and any possible environmental factors that could hinder their chances at success.

The group of them spent another hour hashing out a more detailed plan of attack that Octavia would soon share with her people. All in all, she felt they were productive and if felt like they might actually stand a good chance at this coup. The only thing that brought down her mood, was the knowledge of the pain that Clarke was enduring. And that she would continue to endure until Octavia could reach her. 

They also learned that the transfusions seemed like an early success, but it was apparent that only time would tell now. 

Octavia wandered back to retreive Madi and the two of them walked in silence until they were safely in Octavia’s room.

“You’re sad. Is it Clarke?” Madi asked with worry.

“I just miss her.” 

It wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t the entire truth either. 

“I thought that for tonight...I could make up a story. See if I can tell stories as well as Clarke.” She said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Madi looked skeptical.

“Come on. I grew up on stories. I’ll bet Clarke never told you any that featured Greek gods and goddesses, did she?”

Madi shook her head but smiled. “I want you to tell me a story where both of you are goddesses.”

So Octavia did. She weaved an intricate story were she was Hades, the bisexual goddess of the Underworld. The goddess most feared and despised by all. The rest of the gods and goddesses hated her because they thought she was beneath them (she literally was) and the mortals feared her because of the monstrous reputation she had for being the goddess of the dead. The reason people died. The controller of life and caretaker of the dead.

And Clarke represented the beautiful goddess, Persephone. Well, half god/half mortal. She was able to see the truth behind the monstrous mask of Hades. She saw past all the lies and half truths and stories the other gods made up just to spite her and she simply saw the woman. This lonely and sad woman who lived beneath the Earth and was never able to join the land of the living. She showed her that there was beauty, even in the underworld, and she chose to stay with Hades so she could prove it to her.

She taught her to see the goddess within and to be the very best version of herself. She taught Hades to believe in life rather than death. And she showed Hades the treasure of falling in love. Even if it were just the two of them living in the underworld together, she no longer felt alone. She no longer wished to hide the person she really was. And she learned to embrace her destiny. She proudly embodied the goddess of the underworld and together they found a way to reconnect with the dead that they had lost and made the underworld a truly lovely place to be.

“Wow. That story was…” Madi watched her with wide eyes as Octavia wrapped up her story. “I love it. Even Clarke’s were never that romantic. But I really liked the mythology stuff. You have to tell me more stories like that sometime.”

Octavia smiled. She was very proud of herself. And when she fell asleep that night, she still had a smile on her face.

The next day, to keep herself busy, Octavia stayed to assist Gaia with training. She lasted until mid-morning before she finally confronted Madi about her lackluster performance thus far.

“You’re worried about Clarke.” 

It wasn’t a question. Madi’s mind wasn’t on her training today and Octavia understood why. She had been making mistakes and not paying attention all morning.

“I thought we would have heard from her by now. It’s been five days.” Madi admitted as she sheathed her sword and faced Octavia.

Octavia placed a hand on Madi’s shoulder and lead her away from the group so that they could talk more privately.

“You know she’ll reach out when she can. Raven will make sure of it.” Octavia made sure Madi was looking her in the eye. “She’s the strongest person I know...besides you.”

The young girl bit her lip and nodded.

“And she told us to give her a week. Plus, I told Monty that he has until tomorrow to make sure he’s got control of the cameras. We plan to leave shortly after that.”

“I just...I miss her.”

“I know you do. And so do I. So much.” Octavia smiled at her. “Besides, I still have tons more stories to tell you. I’ve only just started.”

Madi smiled at that. Then she looked pensive for a moment.

“You know Clarke’s mom, right?”

Octavia swallowed thickly and nodded. “Yeah, I know Abby.”

She basically banished her. Octavia suddenly worried if Abby would ever forgive her, if Clarke will now that she undoubtedly knows.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” Madi asked.

“I think she’ll adore you. It’s hard not to.” Octavia told her sincerely. “And I’m sure Abby is taking great care of Clarke. She is the one who taught Clarke everything she knows about medicine after all.”

“Did Clarke tell you that when we first met...I was awful to her.”

“Clarke’s very good at forgiving people. And giving them second or third chances.” Octavia commented.

“I made her step in a bear trap.”

Octavia’s eyes widened. 

“She had to stitch up her own leg and hopped around using a stick for several days.”

Clarke told her about the bear trap...not about Madi’s involvement in it. She realized that as much as she knew about Clarke, there was so much she could yet learn.

“I think tonight it’s your turn to tell me bedtime stories.” She commented wryly.

Madi’s eyes lit up. “I have so many!”

And she did.

Octavia loved bedtime stories or stories of any kind. They were what had gotten her through those sixteen years alone, under the floor. Madi was a great storyteller. She was emotive and her eyes lit up whenever she talked about her time with Clarke. Not for the first time, Octavia was actually envious of the young girl. She laughed so easily. She had had an actual childhood. Maybe not those first five years before Clarke, but before that and then again after. Clarke had done well by her. Madi’s life had been the kind of life she had hoped for when she first arrived on Earth. The happiness. The freedom. The endless possibilities. And the safety.

It made Octavia believe that all the things they had done to get get to this moment, perhaps it had been worth it. All the sacrifices and the impossibile choices. They brought them to a place in which Clarke was able to give Madi what had been denied to the rest of them. And if they could give everyone that kind of life, or at least allow the kids to maintain what was left of their innocence...then she would consider that the greatest victory of all. She decided in that moment that when they arrived in the valley, come what may, the kids would be kids again. No more training and preparing for war. But rather, the kids would be able to start having fun again. Start laughing again. And hopefully start dreaming again. 

The next day was filled with planning and she finally called her people to the throne room and announced their impending departure.

“I know you’ve been anxious and many wonder if I have forgotten my promise to you. But I called you here tonight to announce that tomorrow we leave to take what is ours. We have people on the inside who have been getting things set up for us. I have no doubt in my mind that our seizure of the valley will be successful. We will claim it with minimal destruction to the valley itself and with very few casualties. A close friend recently told me that the time for simply surviving is over...that it is now the time to live. And soon...we will know what it is truly like to live again!”

She was overwhelmed, as usual, with cheers from her people as they all took a knee in reverence to her, their Commander. 

They spent the rest of the day preparing for their departure. Then, the next morning, they started on the perilous journey to their final destination. This time, they were fully aware of the dangers that awaited them. And Octavia was grateful that Madi was able to lead them through most of the worst parts. They avoided the sandstorms and the deadly bugs.

On the fifth day of their journey, they were within range to set up camp and she reviewed their plan to the masses so that everyone would know their part. The next day, they sent out scouts. Then they had to wait for a radio “all clear” signal from either Raven or Echo before they proceeded further. The all clear came two days later. The scouts went ahead, Octavia among them, to take out the guards in the dead of night.

They would then hold their post until the rest of the army came in. Next the army would charge enmass and take out those who fought back and refused to surrender. As soon as the guards were down, Echo was to have taken out as many of the targets as possible on her list. She was not to touch Diyoza, because it was risky to do so alone so that target was meant for a squad of Octavia’s fiercest warriors.

Raven had been staying with Clarke at night, but even so, Octavia and Madi would go directly to her. She trusted her people to do what needed to be done. Indra would lead most of the direct assault, and Miller would be her second. She was anxious but excited. Things had gone smoothly up until this point. They all new what needed to be done, and so Octavia and the scouts completed their task first.

They killed all of the guards and Octavia impatiently waited for her assigned person to relieve her. As soon as she was able, she and Madi made their way toward Clarke’s house. When she saw Echo take off in a mad dash for the same destination, she and Madi ran faster. When she got to Clarke’s room, her eyes widened in terror.

Raven stood stock still with her mouth wide open several feet from Clarke’s bed. Cooper was lying on the ground with blood pooling around her as Echo leaned over Clarke’s terrifyingly lifeless body.

“Get away from her.” Octavia growled as she ran to Clarke.

Echo stepped away with her hands raised in surrender. “She’s alive...breathing, barely.”

“What happened?” Madi asked from Octavia’s side. Her eyes trained on Clarke.

“We all had our roles...our places to be, I memorized it. I knew she wasn’t supposed to be heading this way.” Echo explained as she pointed at Cooper, who Octavia now noticed had a hatchet in her back. “She snuck in here and was smothering Clarke with a pillow.”

Octavia’s face turned ashen and she held on to the bed for support because it felt as if her legs had given up on her.

“It’s true. Clarke must have woken up, I heard a struggle. I woke up and saw...her...she had a pillow…” Raven shook as she spoke. “I couldn’t react in time. I wouldn’t have made it. But then...Echo burst through the door and without hesitation, she threw the hatchet. Cooper fell to the floor instantly. Then she went to check on Clarke...and that’s when you came in.”

Octavia nodded numbly. Madi had already crawled into bed with Clarke. She was holding the unconscious girl tightly in an awkward embrace.

“She’s just been so weak...it’s taken her body a while to recover. She was helpless and I was supposed to protect her.” Raven was still rambling.

“Oh, hey…” Echo walked toward her. “She’s safe. We’re all together again. Everything is good, okay? I promise. You don’t have to feel guilty or blame yourself anymore...we did it. We’re home.” 

Echo’s gentle words washed over the room. They were  _ home. _ Octavia looked down at Clarke and Madi. Then over at Raven and Echo. Her brother, Monty, Harper, Indra, and Miller were outside somewhere. They were home. Because home wasn’t a place. It was the people. And it may have taken her a while to get it, but she finally understood. Of course, Clarke had been right all along. Love was strength. And she loved these people.

“Thank you, Echo. For everything. But especially for tonight. For Clarke.” Octavia told her sincerely.

“You’re welcome. But with all due respect, Octavia. I didn’t do it for you.” Her eyes landed on Clarke. “I did it for her. I’d like to say that it makes us even, but that is far from the truth.” She studied Octavia for a moment. “I’ll forgive you for Clarke, and for Bellamy.” She walked toward Octavia and extended her hand. “Truce?”

Octavia gripped it firmly. “Truce. And I can do you one better when I pardon you publicly. It’s the least of what you deserve. You  _ are _ home, Echo. And I look forward to getting to know who you have become.”

This time Echo gave her a small, but genuine, smile. “I look forward to the same. I wasn’t sure before, if you were worthy of her. But I was wrong. You are.”

She turned and smiled at Raven, touched her shoulder, then walked away as she unsheathed a sword and went back out into the night. Octavia startled as five gunshots sounded off in quick succession. With one last glance at Clarke, she kissed the girl’s cheek, then Madi’s. Then she turned toward Raven.

“I have to go back out there. Keep an eye on them.” 

Raven nodded resolutely. “On my life.”

Octavia frowned. “Let’s hope no one else dies tonight.”

Octavia left and joined the dwindling fight. It went mostly according to plan, and they had overtaken the valley within the hour. Indra appeared at her side when the battle was done.

“I heard gunshots.” Octavia stated. “How many casualties did we have?”

“Diyoza was able to get a few rounds off before she turned the gun on herself. We lost two instantly, Miller took a bullet, but Jackson and Abby are with him now and said it was just a graze. He will be fine. We rounded up those who didn’t put up a fight. Guards are posted around the perimeter, and as you ordered, we assigned a night shift to watch the prisoners until you address everyone in the morning.”

“Good. I think that we need our rest and the prisoners who surrendered will have the night to consider if they want to join Wonkru or if they want to be executed. I realized that banishment is basically execution anyway, and we’d rather them not come back to try to overtake us later.”

“So join or die?”

Octavia nodded gravely. “I want us to live peacefully. I want us to enjoy this valley together. But the fact remains, if you are not Wonkru...then you are an enemy of Wonkru. The only way everyone survives is if we do it together.”

“And here I thought that Clarke made you weak.”

Octavia eyed her. “You’re the one that told me love is not weakness. Remember? You wanted me to embrace my brother.”

“I did. And I think Clarke is good for you. I just wanted to make sure you still had your priorities straight when it came to your people.”

“I do. And for the record, Clarke is Wonkru as much as anyone.”

“It is true. She has done a lot for all of us. You most of all.”

Octavia smiled at her gently, then shook her head. “I’m sorry, I never said it back. But I do love you, too, Indra. I’m sorry that I let our time down there make me forget who I was for a while.”

Indra actually smiled back at her, though it looked more like a grimace. “I knew you’d find your way back. You just weren’t able to do it alone.”

“Are you on the night shift?” Octavia asked to change the subject.

“I am. Go check on Clarke and get some rest, we’ll need you strong for the morning.”

Octavia left Indra and walked back to Clarke’s place. The blonde was still sleeping, but her room was full of all their friends. When she walked in, she was relieved to see that someone had taken Cooper’s body out of the house and attempted to clean up the bloody floor.

“All I’m saying is that I’m Madi’s second favorite. And if she likes me so much...Clarke must have talked about me  _ a lot. _ I always knew she must have had a thing for me. It’s so obvious.” Murphy said with a cocky smile.

Raven smacked him hard on the back of the head. “Don’t be an ass.”

“Yeah, and Octavia is  _ right _ there.” Harper whispered harshly.

“So? What does Octavia have to do with any of this?” He studied her closely. “Oh! When and how did  _ that  _ happen?”

This time Emori and Harper smacked him.

“Hey! I wasn’t even being pervy. I’m actually confused right now. How  _ did _ it happen?” He asked sincerely.

Octavia shrugged and rolled her eyes with a smirk. “I’ll let Clarke tell you. She’s better at storytelling than I am.”

She ignored their continued banter and walked around the room. When she found what she had assumed was Clarke’s sketchbook, she started to flip through it. She turned pages until her eyes landed on a perfect rendering of Lincoln. Octavia let her fingers graze it reverently. Although, she felt a presence beside her, she didn’t acknowledge it as she turned the page with a heavy breath. 

Several of the pictures brought warring emotions with them. Lexa. Jasper. Everyone was there. Eventually, she came across one of herself that had been ripped out of the book and torn down the middle. It had been taped back up, but she idly wondered why it was ripped to begin with.

“Diyoza tore it up when she found it. Clarke tried her best to fix it as soon as she got here.” Abby’s nearby voice nearly startled her.

Octavia nodded. “I knew she was talented, but to do these all from memory…”

Abby smiled sadly. “We were never far from her mind.”

Octavia glanced at her. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you before. Six years ago, when you said you thought Clarke had been trying to reach us in the bunker. I thought you were hysterical, that you just missed her. If I had known…”

“If you had known, there would have still been nothing you could do. We were trapped. She had no way to get to us.”

“Still…”

Abby rested her hand on Octavia’s shoulder softly and it felt like forgiveness. She took a deep breath and continued to leaf through the pages. When she got to the last picture, her breath caught in her throat. She was face to face with a beautiful drawing of her and Clarke kissing. That was definitely not drawn by memory, because they may have done a lot of things recently, but unfortunately, they had yet to actually kiss.

“I was worried that it was an unrequited thing...Clarke’s feelings for you.” Abby told her quietly. “Until now.”

Octavia felt Abby’s eyes study her intently, so she let her find whatever she was looking for.

“You’ve changed, Octavia. Or you changed back, I guess. You’re more... _ you _ again. The girl I remember.”

“Clarke gets credit for that.”

Abby smiled. “And here I thought you were the kind of person who didn’t let people turn you into something you didn’t want to be.”

Octavia nodded. “Yeah...have you met your daughter? When was the last time you tried saying ‘no’ to Clarke?”

Octavia smirked when she saw Abby nod in understanding. The older woman smiled back at her. They were interrupted by light and playful bickering on the other side of the room.

“Ok, fine. But now that you’ve actually met each of us...I’m your favorite, right?” Murphy asked Madi.

The girl shrugged and shook her head. “It’s still Octavia.”

Octavia smiled smugly. “I keep telling you guys. You don’t ever believe me.”

“Fine, besides Octavia. Who’s your favorite?” Raven questioned.

Madi looked around at the group and seemed to really be considering her answer. “I would have to say Raven.”

“Yes!” Raven yelled excitedly with a cocky smirk etched on her face.

“Bribing her with a ride on a spaceship shouldn’t count.” Clarke’s sleepy voice immediately silenced the room.

Her eyes were still closed when she spoke, so she slowly opened them. Clarke’s eyes scanned the room quickly until they fell on Octavia, who nearly forgot to breathe at the sight of the blonde smiling at her.

“Hey.” Clarke’s voice sounded almost sultry with its roughness from disuse.

“Hey.” Octavia croaked out before her mind caught up with her body and she rushed toward the girl.

She leaned down into Clarke, held her face in the palms of her hands and kissed her soundly. When she felt Clarke return the kiss, she smiled into the blonde’s mouth. Eventually, she pulled away in a daze.

Although she had briefly forgotten they were in a crowded room, the sudden cacophony of sound was all the reminder she needed. As friends were reunited, and shared warm wishes and happy laughter with each other, Octavia remained quiet and content with Clarke’s hand firmly in her own. After a while, their friends left for the night with promises of tomorrow. Abby kissed Clarke on the forehead and ran her fingers through her blonde locks as she addressed the other girls in the room.

“I’m going to go check on Miller again, and then head to bed. Take care of each other.” Abby hugged Madi next, and kissed her on the top of the head. 

When she reached Octavia, she extended her hand in greeting. “I enjoyed our talk.”

Octavia gripped the offered hand and shook it firmly. “As did I.”

After Abby left, Madi and Octavia squeezed in bed on either side of Clarke. The three of them fell asleep holding each other, and Octavia thought it was perfect.

The next morning, she woke up before the sun but stayed comfortably wrapped up in Clarke until the blonde woke up as well.

“I like this.” Clarke breathed out in a whisper as she snuggled closer to Octavia.

“Me too.” Octavia admitted.

They lay comfortably in silence for several minutes until Octavia reluctantly broke it.

“I’m going to have to get out there...eventually.  We have a lot to do…” She trailed off as she sighed sadly.

Later that morning, Octavia stood in front of the entirety of Wonkru and the prisoners who remained. She cleared her throat, raised her voice and addressed the crowd like the Commander she had become. She praised Wonkru for their well-fought battle and thanked them for having faith in her once again. After telling everyone of her plans for them and the valley, and divvying up duties (honorably disposing of the dead, collecting the guns and the other most dangerous weapons, cleaning up the mess they made, and preparing living quarters for everyone) she told them that the noviates would stop their combat training. Instead, they would implement a trade school type of education for the children and have them shadow several of the prominent adults within their new community. There were numerous doctors, engineers, agriculturists, farmers, hunters, and other various specialties available to them. 

Octavia didn’t like how everything went down six years ago, in regards to inhabiting the bunker. But the fact that Skaikru had chosen people who could continue to make humanity thrive, and ensure a lasting future for all of the children may have been almost worth all of the hard choices. She would have to remember to thank Clarke for the list she had painstakingly prepared so long ago. And she would have to apologize for giving her such a hard time for making it.

She also announced that Kane, Abby and Echo had been forgiven, pardoned, and would be re-welcomed into Wonkru without prejudice. Octavia also honored the actions of Clarke, Raven, Harper, Monty, and Bellamy and declared that they had been loyal to Wonkru and fought for them even before they were part of them. (Earlier, she made sure to thank the pilot, Shaw, for his efforts in private.) She announced that they would be having a ceremony in a few days to properly welcome them into Wonkru. The same would go for any of the prisoners who chose to do so. They would have until the ceremony to decide their own fate. If they chose to become Wonkru, they would also be accepted without prejudice and were to be treated as such. If they chose to deny Wonkru, it was clear that they would be forfeiting their lives. They had three days to decide.

The next few days went by in a blur. There was one day that Octavia went to check on Clarke during the afternoon, and ended up falling asleep in her arms for hours. It had usually been Clarke who would fall asleep at random times. Clarke had been exhausted most of the time, Octavia didn’t know how many transfusions had already occurred or how much it really took a toll on the other woman. She wanted to ask, but she dreaded the answer. Octavia enjoyed just being around her even when they talked about everything or nothing, or if they simply sat in silence.  Even if Clarke was just talking to Raven about nonsense or joking around with Madi, as per usual, Octavia had been content to watch. 

Later that night, after the Wonkru welcoming ceremony, while everyone was currently out celebrating, Clarke and Octavia had some time to themselves for a little while. They used their time wisely by making out. Octavia was glad they had finally gotten around to adding kissing to their repertoire because Clarke excelled at that just as she did everything else. Their tongues caressed each other, they nipped at and sucked on each other’s lips. 

They hadn’t had sex since they had been reunited, and as much as Octavia actually missed it, she found that she enjoyed just being with Clarke at all was enough. After they finally paused in their kissing to catch their breaths, Clarke wrapped her arms around Octavia and pulled her into her as they laid on the bed.

“Do you think anyone will ever be able to see me as...just Octavia again? I’m tired of Bloodreina and all the other titles. I just...you talked about now being the time to live. Do you still think that’s possible for me?” Octavia admittedly vulnerably.

Clarke kissed her temple. Then she detached herself from Octavia and reached for something under the bed. “I drew this picture of you this afternoon, while you were asleep.”

She handed it to Octavia who took in the drawing with awe. It was a sketch of her, but this one featured no war paint. No braids or leather or blood or scowl. It was more reminiscent of who she used to be. Or maybe, who she was again. It flattered her that this was how Clarke saw her. She looked peaceful and happy, with a small but sincere smile on her face and a noticeable twinkle in her eye.

“This is who you are when no one’s looking.” Clarke said with adoration, or perhaps something deeper in her voice; something more akin to love.

“No one but you.” Octavia remarked as she touched Clarke’s cheek and leaned in for a sweet kiss. 

When she pulled away, she rested her forehead softly against Clarke’s. “Thank you.”

Clarke smiled back and hugged her tightly against her own body. “You can be that girl again, Octavia. You just have to let yourself be happy.”

She knew she should have admitted it right then that she already was happy. That being with Clarke and being safe in this valley made her deliriously happy. But she hummed noncommittally and snuggled firmly into Clarke’s warm embrace until she fell asleep.

A few days later, when Clarke had properly recovered, Raven and Shaw took Octavia, Clarke, Madi and a bunch of the other kids for a ride on the spaceship. Octavia watched in amusement as Madi and her new friends explored excitedly. The highlight for the kids had been when each of them was able to do a mini space walk. Octavia made sure she got the opportunity to do so as well. She wanted to experience all the stuff she missed out on the first time she was in space. Being out in the vastness of space was the most free Octavia had felt in her entire life. But also, she had never felt so alone. It was so quiet out there with no one else around her, and Earth was so far away. She couldn’t wait to get back inside the ship. Back to her friends. Back to Clarke.

As Raven was still assisting the remaining kids with their space walk, and Shaw was giving the others a tour of the cockpit, Clarke and Octavia wandered off by themselves.

“So, what do we know about that Ethan kid? Madi talks about him a lot. I hope they’re just friends, because I’m too young to deal with Madi and dating already.” Clarke’s eyes went wide. “ _ She’s  _ too young for it!”

Octavia chuckled. “I think they’re just friends because they’re  _ both  _ too young for anything else. And Ethan’s a good kid. I like him.”

“But is he good enough for her?”

Octavia shook her head. “No one will ever be good enough for Madi.”

“Damn straight.” Clarke mumbled.

They walked in silence for a moment until they found an empty room with a great view. When they looked out the window, they could see Earth and even their valley. It made the devastation and destruction on Earth far more apparent.

“You were lucky you found that valley...I can’t believe how much of Earth was destroyed again.” Octavia commented. “The view was better last time I was up here.” She glanced at Clarke. “I remember the first and only time I got to see this view...I couldn’t wait to get down there...to be free.”

“Oh, I remember….you were quite...adventurous. You still are, but back then…”

“You’re referring to the now infamous swimming incident?” Octavia asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“That and the whole getting high thing. How did that even happen?”

Octavia shrugged.

Clarke smiled at her. “You love the ground. The freedom and adventure. You weren’t meant to be confined....” Octavia nodded as Clarke continued. “I doubt you would have liked the ship, or space, even if you didn’t have to hide under the floor.”

“I don’t know, I’m sure I would have found something I liked…” She smirked as she made a show of unabashedly checking Clarke out.

Clarke laughed and shoved her playfully. Octavia wrapped her arms around her as she stood behind Clarke and took in the view of Earth again.

“Do you think we would have been friends had we known each other back then?” Clarke wondered.

Octavia hummed into Clarke’s neck and placed a kiss on her pulse point.

“I’m pretty sure you would have annoyed me...at first,  _ Princess _ .” She teased as she bit down on the place she just kissed.

Clarke moaned. Whether at the action or the flirtatious use of her old nickname, Octavia wasn’t sure.  She turned around in Octavia’s arms so they faced each other. They both leaned into each other and met in a soft kiss that quickly escalated into something deeper--something needy and almost primal. Eventually, they separated. Breathless.

Octavia reached over and ran her fingers through Clarke’s short hair. The blonde smiled at her, with clear, sparkling blue eyes. And Octavia stared, captivated.

“I think regardless of how we met, or where we were...we would have found our way to each other. Every time. In every universe. Just like in all of your stories.” Octavia whispered with reverence.

Clarke tugged her closer and held her loosely. She shook her head with a sweet smile on her face.

“And you think I’m the one with a knack for words.”

Octavia smiled brightly and shrugged at her as she leaned further into the other girl.

“I think you’re making me soft, Clarke.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...love is weakness, blah blah blah.” Clarke teased as she rolled her eyes.

Octavia’s heart fluttered in her chest at the words.  _ Love _ . She knew without a doubt, in that moment, that she didn’t simply love Clarke. She was  _ in love  _ with her. And the fact that she had been able to fall in love again despite the pain of her past didn’t make her feel weak at all. She felt brave. And strong. And full of warmth and happiness.

“In case you were wondering,  _ this  _ is my favorite memory from space.” Octavia commented genuinely. Yet, she realized it didn’t convey the depth of that truth and everything else she felt in that moment.

“In case  _ you  _ were wondering, you’re featured in most of my favorite memories.” Clarke breathed back.

Those words and the sincerity with which she spoke them, made Octavia’s heart soar. Before she could reclaim Clarke’s lips, they were interrupted by Madi and all the kids.

“This is  _ so  _ cool!” Madi exclaimed excitedly. “I love space! And space walking. And the view. And flying. Clarke, will you paint me a picture of the view, the old one, like you used to?”

Clarke smiled as she stepped away from Octavia. “Of course.”

“And Raven invited me for a sleepover tonight with her, Harper, Emori and Echo. I can go, right?”

Clarke’s eyes met Octavia’s and the brunette smirked at her. They both knew that Raven was gifting them with a night to themselves. Octavia, for one, couldn’t wait to enjoy it.

“That’s fine. You’ll have a great time with them all.” Clarke answered Madi with a smile.

They scarcely had time to disembark the ship before Indra approached them with concerns from the newest members of Wonkru. They had been wondering about their cure--if the treatments would continue. Clarke had easily agreed to it and told Indra to tell those with concerns that she would keep her word and that they would continue to receive treatment again soon. Indra nodded her head in acceptance of the answer, but glanced at Octavia to presumably gauge her reaction to Clarke’s decision. Octavia knew her dissatisfaction would be prevalent on her face, but didn’t argue. So Indra dismissed herself and went off to deliver the message.

As they walked hand in hand back to the house, Octavia brought up her displeasure.

“Are you sure about this? Because I hate it.”

“I made them a promise, Octavia. Sure, it had been for ulterior motives, but that doesn’t matter now. The transfusions are working and I would hate myself if more people died and I knew that I could save them.”

“I know.” Octavia grumbled, because she  _ did  _ know.

“And with Diyoza gone, we can go slower. I can have more recovery time. It won’t be as bad as it was.”

Octavia remained silent.

“Please tell me you understand.” Clarke begged.

Octavia sighed sadly. “I understand, Clarke. It doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

Clarke smiled at her. “Thank you for letting me do this.”

Octavia rolled her eyes and opened the front door for Clarke. She walked in behind her.

“As if I had a choice.” She told her good naturedly.

“You always have a choice, Octavia.”

“Not when it comes to you. I couldn’t stop falling even if I wanted to.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to?”

“Absolutely not.” Octavia growled as she claimed Clarke’s lips.

Shortly after, they were lying in the dark alone in  _ their _ house, in  _ their _ bed and they were making love. Unabashedly and unhurried. Eventually, they fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

The next morning, Octavia woke up smiling. Clarke was already awake and played lazily with her fingers, drawing hearts and writing promises across Octavia’s bare stomach. Octavia could wake up to this every day of their lives. She would wake up next to Clarke forever.

“I love you.” She whispered reverently.

Clarke’s hand stilled before she raised herself up on her elbow and stared into Octavia’s eyes.

“I love you, too, Octavia. So much.” Clarke told her with adoration lacing her features.

Octavia wrapped her arms around Clarke possessively.

“Are you happy, Octavia?” Clarke asked distantly.

She didn’t even have to think about her answer.

“Happier than I’ve ever been.”

“I wanted to tell you before. When you were worried that you would never be just Octavia again. Not if you were the girl under the floor, or Skairipa or Okteivia Kom Skaikru or even Bloodreina...I never got to tell you that you’ve always been only Octavia to me. I used some of those names when I told stories to Madi. Because I was telling bedtime stories to a child and also because I wanted to remember everything about you….but you’ve always been just Octavia. My friend. Sometimes my confidant. Often a pain in my ass. But always mine. My Octavia.”

“Yours?” Octavia lifted her head and raised a questioning eyebrow, even as her heart warmed at the sentiment.

“I didn’t mean…” Clarke stuttered awkwardly.

Octavia kissed her soundly on the lips. Then she touched her forehead to Clarke’s and smiled down at her. “I like it.”

She settled in beside her and they held each other delicately.

“Just so long as you are mine as well.” Octavia amended.

“Always.” Clarke breathed out and burrowed closer into her.

“Always.” Octavia echoed.

**Author's Note:**

> I have shipped Clarke and Octavia since season one and really love Octavia Blake. I had to write something new for these two with all the amazing stuff that they've already given us this season, especially involving Madi. I hope you enjoy this story half as much as I loved writing it. If you want to scream with me or at me about these two, you can find me on twitter at @2BeEnough.


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